总是不分轻重

在考试的前两天

在还有一堆工作没完成的时候

突然陷入了 convo的热潮

在凌晨做起了感恩卡

给三个我特别感恩的senior

有少少心虚，

应该特别准备礼物给她们的

最好是亲手制作

但是 时间有限

想要特别到最后 就是什么都不行

最后 就用我最爱的美图秀秀哈哈

我最爱的momo大姐
当她第一次见面说
请我们喝凉茶
拍胸脯说 “有什么需要都可以找我”
我就把那句话当真了
第一个星期就托她帮忙买蛋糕帮朋友庆祝生日
她也很爽快的答应了
这两年 有什么疑难杂症
一通sms 就到她房间坐一两个小时
上特别辅导班
就算毕业后 她的求助热线不曾关闭
遇到难搞的case 不懂的东西 只要在fb开口
她都会很用心的帮忙解答
最后总是不忘贴心的打起“加油，你可以的”

最爱她用经验分享的智慧箴言
感恩她告诉我
“这个时段是很难熬，
朋友的支持是很重要的”
提醒我，在自我消沉之余
不能只当接受者，要关心身边的战友

现在的我 对她们只有加倍的感恩
因为我知道 她们当时的时间有多么可贵
她们愿意抽出时间
来帮我们几个什么都不懂的小瓜
真的 只是凭着一颗扶持幼苗和回馈的心
回想
第三年的时候，
她已经在帮我们分析case
跟我们讨论各种理论疗法
自问 现在的我 还没有这种斤两
惭愧

还有亲爱的0飞

从来没有遇过这么柔软温柔的人

总是那么贴心一切设想周到

把我照顾的好好的

感恩你教会我许多人生道理

用你的温柔包容软化我锐利的角 

0飞和琪琪这个组合以后应该很难再度合体了

但感恩数度的合作

真的从你身上学习很多~~

没有你 策划交通 安排妥善

我应该会缺席很多活动吧

安铧同学
在我活动版图不断重复出现的名字
感恩他的出现
让我不是唯一的Jasper
他用行动证明
不需要为学业牺牲一切
就算活动参与再多
只要够努力 没问题的
感恩他充满感染力的活力与热诚
让我的大学生活
多了很多random却美好的回忆
感恩他用过来人的身份
跟我分享很多经验
感恩他在各个活动的支持和教导

想当年
我是很清纯可爱 头发也算顺眼的

感恩大家这么看得起我
哈哈 我也希望我会是你们的继承人

当然不只这三个
感恩这一路
二话不说 卷起袖子跟我们一起熬夜 甚至比我们迟
衷心提供忠告 分享经验
尽心尽力
帮助 扶持我们的你们

每个人有不同的原因
因为当时没人提醒走了很多歪路
因为曾经有很好的senior所以想把这份缘传下去
没有原因  能帮就帮啊 为什么要有原因
真的 无限感恩

谢谢你们
让我在这么有爱的环境里学习成长
因为你们 我想要变成更好的人
想要更关心身边的朋友
想要成为更好的学姐
因为 我有最棒的 一级的 学长姐
他们也希望
我们能把这精神 传下去

祝福你们~
也希望我们不会让你们失望

Looking back at my video make me realize how boring I was
Every thing in life ties back together
Be it in debate or in clinic,
it's all about my way of expression
Organization of information, analysis, elaboration
Ways of delivering, the tone, the expression
Guess I'm just too change resistant to remain in my original form till now
Time for a change girl,
You don't want to stick as the smart but boring debater(Thanks for the compliment and advice Claudine, appreciate it a lot)
You don't want to remain as the boring clinician where you yourself couldn't stand to finish the video
Change change change

It's 3am and I still so consciously awake
When I make that choice I knew this is not going to be easy
I don't really have a luxury of a weekend to go for an activity,
Not anymore.

But still, I gained so much satisfaction from the debate rounds just now
It was as if something switch on in my brain and I started thinking
Just love this part of debate.
I have no complaints when we had another round and ended the training at 1am
It was totally worth it
But I have issues with my time management.
Supposed to complete everything by today or even before,
but still here I am, with incomplete plan and untouched case notes.

You are gonna die so hard this time.
Not to mention the notes that you never touch and will not have time to touch in the weekdays
Just hope it will worth it lol
Did not make any preparation for Women's
just wanted to have fun because this might be my last tournament
Who knows, my journey here almost came to the end
If I did not have the determination to make it my career or pour more effort in it,
might as well focus on things I should

You could not be something in everything
So choose. ONE. Just one

It's Wednesday and I survived
Not an achievement, just a side note.

You can zoom in your trouble as big as you wish
or you can step over it regardless how many steps it will take
It's still a long long way to chase
But at least I've crossed the steepest part---the fear of falling

So now it is moving against gravity, against laziness
and step forward.........
Arghhh, cannot stop even for one slight moment
The snowball is rollingggggggg

有些话
若干年后 偶然忆起 细细咀嚼
才发现
真啊 太真了
怎么 听的时候 恍若不闻
是 劝告来得太早
还是 领悟来得太迟
总是要自己跌倒了 知道痛了
才学会转弯
谢谢那个 曾经想点挑明路给我的你
虽然 我还是太钝了 但至少 我知道你的好

Had a little school visit trip thanks to the assignment

Was little down when I could not visit The Learning Connection that I always wanted to go

but guess what? I think this is a blessing in disguise because I found another exemplary rehabilitation centre
WQ Park, which stands for Wellness and Quality, and it is called park because they want to provide a relaxing environment instead of the feeling of like visiting clinic because you are sick....and the point is, they really HAVE A PARKKK, with pond and fishes, how adorable!

Our objective of the visit was to investigate the learning processes of the special need population in different setting, but I'm kinda distracted by how awesome and comprehensive the vision of this centre is. :P

ONE STOP rehabilitation centre that houses physician, paediatrician, child neurologist, SLP, OT and PT under one roof. Phewww, the best environment for multi-disciplinary management of children with special needs.  The way they collaborate and manage a child together are just what we need!

I was particularly moved by the passion and pride when our tourguide Ms.Celvi talk about their current effort and future vision. That is when you know you are doing something right and you have the ability to do more. That amazing feeling and the dazzle from her faces just outshone everything else. I hope I will be able to talk about my career with that much pride.

From the design of the centre, you could see how much money was burned for it. The interior design, furniture and the paintingssss were so nice!!!!! But erm, that is not the main point. The infrastructure just stand out easily among all the centres I visited. They have a physiotherapy room with all the advanced devices, a neurophysiotherapy room, two very cute playroom for Occupational Therapy(I definitely want to have one in my house in future!) and an adult OT room, two rooms for speech(too few I would say) and a mini kindergarten(Early Intervention Program) for children with all sorts of disabilities.

Learned a lot from my observation in the EIP and Occupational Therapy. It is just eye-opening to see people do all sorts of things you don't know although I keep yawing sorry. First thing that amazed me so much is all those kids with ADHD, ASD, GDD blah blah can follow all the instruction and play as if they were programmed to do so even though they still have their own traits and behaviour. I just want to bow at them and ask WHAT DID YOU DO TO THEM? TEACH ME! The OT was more than fascinating. They let the child play with all sorts of stuff, roll a child on huge ball, wrap a child in yoga mat, ask them to jump etc etc. Every is so cute and you wonder, what are they targeting? It's like a layman watching Speech Therapist in action I guess. But the kakak there were so nice and explain everything to us in details. :)
Quote of the day, "Attention is the outcome, sensory is the key". SHOULD REFER ALL THE CHILD WITH ATTENTION AND BEHAVIOUR PROBLEM TO OT before starting speech therapy. Huhhh, hope our referral system are this well-connected.

It might be another private centre that make your eyeball drop when you saw their price list but I guess it is all about market and supply. There are this population with special need that demand for such service and it is so scarce that there are only few centres cater to them. I do believe their quality of service are worth the price, just that there are so many people out there that could not access to this service due to financial issues. But at least this is a first step, maybe some think that we should further develop existing special education entities but I think it is a good thing for the medical and professional healthcare community to take the initiative to provide the service they think the patient needed the most.

Heard they are expanding and going to have branches in Penang and Johor soon. The end goal is to have branches in every state of Malaysia. So I will wait till the Perak branch is opened lol.

Guess I'm just teary and sentimental recently.
Tears swirling in my eyes whenever I called back home
When my dear friends put so much faith in me even when they saw how I failed miserably

But the trigger point today is the parent of a client
The strain in her voice and the desperateness twinge my heart
From the long list of her experiences
I can imagine how much efforts they had put in
With my mirror neuron, I can also imagine her sorrow
When other children are running around chattering and make you feel like why these little things never shut up
And you child were holding your hand and pointing with single word
And you don't know how to reach out to them

Writing this to remind myself of the people I set out to help
The parents
bring their children here and there for all sorts of therapy
fork out money to pay for expensive treatment or waiting at the end of the long line of gov waiting list
take care of them all the time because they need more attention than the typical developing children
and their simple wish is just for their child to say "mama"
to be able to communicate with others without the parent's help
All these things can come effortless and so naturally to any parents, is such a unreachable dream for them

You can doubt yourself as much as you like
But if you do care and think you want to help
Please move on
Don't bring the guilt with you,
Don't give up because now, they fall upon your hand
Maybe this is their last try before giving up
Give them and yourself a chance to be better.
Have a little faith. Work a little harder.
Be the clown if you need to. But a smart one of course.

16.10.2013
A day to be remember
Never been scold till I feel like I could stick on the floor like an amoeba
Worst thing is, I had to accept everything she say because it is just so true
Basically she say I'm a no-brainer
I had to admit
It is for the client, and for me.

Hope I can start everything anew
Actually had panic attack every time I see her seriously
After she threaten to fail me lol

Time to swallow your pride and the bitterness
and start over again
This is part of the process
but I hope this is the last time

Am writing a 8 pagesssssss long therapy plan
8 page for a 45min session
This is the time when I feel like cursing
But huhhh, I'm comforting myself.
This is a learning process
Writing it down is a form of rehearsing, forming idea of how to carry out
Because my empty brain now tell me I have no idea
True. I have no idea.
That's why I can't write it down and obviously can't carry out
The struggle now is to prevent me from having a disastrous-tsunami session
Had to keep reminding myself
Think, plan, write

After numerous round of complaining,
I have come to see things more clearly.
The root of problem is right here inside
But the thing is,
is it better to believe someone critique you because they don't like you
or you are really as bad as how they think
Everyone has their own path
With my extremely poor feedback system
Guess I had to go through the long way
Wait till I discover my own faults

Venting my emotion so that I could really finish my work today.
Make it worth.
The reason I stayed instead of went back.
6 reports, 2 case notes, 2 SUPER LONGGGG plans
Gotta kill all these by today!
Seem impossible by my progress Zzzzz



But had nice meals with coursemates today.
Finally get to try the tomyam paste I brought haha XD
Thanks for the concern and company
There are times when I don't talk much,
like today....
cause this is the time when everything flow into places
and I try to gather it together
But enjoyed those little little moments we spent together
I always had this "Awwwww" feeling inside when
you look at me hopelessly and ask "what are you going to do when you are all alone in Aus?"
Appreciate the constant support <3
though I'm not always there for you all


kthnxbye

浩瀚父母恩

上演了 谢幕了

就这样 在我的行事历上画了大大个的一个 勾

六个月断断续续的努力

在一天内像烟花般 璀璨瞬间结束

还真令人感慨

站在舞台上

看着两千多位观众时

（没戴眼镜的我其实只看到黑压压的人头）

是有震撼 有感动的

表演时 当然来不及偷窥观众表情

这个手语是片刻不能分神啊

浩瀚父母恩

对我 对你 对他

都有不同的意义

有人被感动 

开始常往家里打电话

渐渐加入慈济这个家庭

有人花了几个月 不断练习

在谢幕那刻哭的稀里哗啦

有人 只是来看了一场有点无聊有点感触的短剧

但是 相信只要我们成功把信息传出去

一切都值得

成为这么大型的演出的一份子

还是号称手语难度最高的报恩

说起来都脸上有光哈哈

但是回想整个准备过程

其实 多的是惭愧

我好像是 小种子 节目组的一份子

但从来 没去过会议

假期没去过练习

翘练习翘到学姐同学全都来关心（其实是担心）

在某个瞬间

就是演出前三天 我还是不熟练手语脚步

其实真的有放弃的感觉

少了我

就会有那个整体美感吧

是这么想的

但大家围在圈子里

绕着九宫格

不断不断 比着手语

在轻快铁 在mamak档

有亲爱的同学 虽然不必学却愿意跟我一起学的时候

我真的想把这 做好

因为 我看到大家的付出努力

我不希望 因为我 抹杀了这一切

那就尽最后这一份努力

换一个不后悔吧！

这个过程 真的有很多的学习  

感恩 学姐同学的无限包容

从来没有责备我

只有关心 轻轻的拉我到旁边说

琪琪 你回去要多练习

看着纹仕同学被访问时老实的说

其实是很生气的 为什么每次我们来练习你不来

我 中箭了

他说 要学会包容忍让

那我 这次的功课

应该是 责任 拼 相信

或许现在你可以把担子交给别人

但不是每次 都有人愿意帮你扛

世界 并非如此方便美好

快点练好自己的肩膀吧

UKMB的家人

谢幕了~~跟5千多位观众结的这份缘，只要有那么一丁点是好因缘，就够了~

1013，一人一善

从此这一天不一样

再过两天 再过两天

我又可以呼吸了

不是因为可以划掉手语音乐剧

而是 终于可以回家了

虽然只是不到48个小时

但是 我真的 需要充电了

这次 不是让家人看我

而是 在泪水凝聚之前

我需要一个温暖的拥抱

我就可以相信

我很好 一切都会过去的

想无限期延长 我被割断的假期

原谅我最近的多愁善感

都是 睡眠不足惹的祸

为什么 要对赞美这么吝啬
是我真的 这么差吗
还是 安慰自己的说 大家对我的期望高
所以 我要爬得这么累

还是 所有人都已扩大脚步了
只有我还在悠哉的散步

不喜欢
那种心脏被重物压着
前一晚 反复难眠
在那房间里 因为怕中箭 把自己缩得小小
的感觉

这是死穴
自认够潇洒
很多事都可以不在乎
但是 他们的一句话 就可以
让我变成 slow cooker，一整天闷着 半句话不说

那种自己 微如尘
一边按住枪伤 一边点头微笑的经验
一次 就够了

需要的不多
只是小小的肯定
等同的关注

Swallow it.

The pride. The frustration.

You deserve what you get

If it doesn't please you,

stop wandering around and do what you should

Wonder how I get so enthusiastic toward debate again,
or just the training part.

Because of these bunch of active expressive young mind,
I feel like I should not failed them
Because we have these seniors that did so much for us which mould me into this speaker today
That came for every training(higher attendance than me) even though they are working
It's time for us to continue their good deeds.
Just as how we were being nurtured and showered
Even though I'm far from that, I did what I could

On top of everything, it's because these juniors,
when they stood up and tell us why they want to join debate
when they gave their first speech standing stammering and struggle to finish a 7 minute speech
they remind me of myself.
and I know how easy it is, to take a step back, retreat into the old comfort zone,
simply believing that you can't
Yet they choose to stay. To push themselves into this total new ground.
You might fall. Lost your balance. Find out you don't like this stage after all.
But the moment you push yourself to do something different, you are not the same any more
You are aware of your own power and you know,
your decision shape your life more than anything else

In these two weeks of training, I'm learning also.
Learning how to be the guiding and encouraging one
How to lead others to think but never feed them
cause they might have GREATER and more ORIGINAL ides

When I judged the KTSN room,
I'm really really touched to see their growth
I saw them throughout the round of training,
From these timid people that are afraid to speak in front
To these eloquent and highly potential speaker
To a big team that work together so well with amazing chemistry :)
That is when I felt like Imma proud senior
Almost burst into tears when I say this to them
Ohhh, that is the stream of positive energy that make me feel like my effort worth :D
Even though I can't claim much credit for their superb achievement

So sad I could not watch them through Quarters till Final
I really wanted to be there for them,
to congrats them, to share their joy, and to offer comfort
But thank goodness we retain the championship of KTSN in VC Cup :D
Phewww, can't be the one that taint this record

I know how few among these 24 people that will stay,
but for me, it is sufficient to know
We made a difference.
The VC Cup experience together with Smarties will shine in their uni memory.




Btw, I can't remember what I'm doing during this time last year. I'm always slow, picking up this training skill one year after the time I'm supposed to do this well. Guess I did failed the last batch. No wonder had to pick up this burden for the second time.

真的觉得，在崩溃边缘时
其实需要的
只是睡饱饱的一觉
睁开惺送的眼睛时
烦恼 似乎也变轻了

不然
就围圈圈 来聊天吧
可以这么诚实的告诉大家
真的很感恩
谢谢你们 包容我的任性自私
感恩还有人一直在推着这辆有点漏气的老爷车
如果没有你们 这么不计较的付出
这一切 不可能

我不想成为碎片
但如果 真的自己想不开
那至少 做个有用途的碎片

I'm a student, ordinary student taking a FULL-TIME course
I keep trying to reminding myself about that
That is my occupation(at least what I'm filling in those forms) and
exactly what I should be spending my time on.
My course itself is very demanding, and definitely need more than attending the class

But I'm also a greedy people,
joining all these activities that carry so much weight,

So I'm being this annoying jerk,
only respond when I'm free and feeling like it
Skipping classes, meetings, discussion, training whatever you name it

I tell myself, this is my survival mechanism,
If I'm gonna feel guilty
I'm either gonna die of sleep deprivation or self-condemnation

One of the main reason I wanted to fly so much,
is to left all these behind,
and try to be a student, just student, nothing more.
Even though it might be mundane and boring, well, at least you know how wonderful your life was.