Eternal flight from myself to myself

July
Might be a little early to write this but I am on my first free workless Saturday for the month
I kinda lost idea on what to do on a leisure weekend

So I spend the first part of the morning looking at Youtube tutorial
Leaning how to do a short hair braid
But my hand too cacat I can only do the very basic braid I know
Totally failed the lesson lol
How do people even tie hair at the back of their head?
Like how do you stretch your arm?
I really need to know because my messy hair is ruining my life lol
I can't recall how many times I got scared by my own face in the mirror after a busy day

Then I went to the market
Detour to a second hand clothes store
Bought some amazingly cheap but beautiful outift
Bought few packets and noodles and one big box of vegetables and fruits (It was too cheap like literally a steal)
Was going to the city to get graduation gifts and do somemore shopping but maybe not
The $500 electricity bill really scare the shit out of me
Like for one sec I was gad about finally reaching my saving target
And by next week paying bill got me feel like being poor all over again

Life is passing like mundane routine
With tiny bits of pleasure I guess

Sort of feel fortunate I am working
Not only because of the financial comfort
But I have a distraction from my ever stagnant project
I got pretty frustrated in our last meeting due to the slow progress
It is not about me not doing my work, but the pace and vision of the team is way slower than my projection
And it drives me crazy for a bit
Simply by thinking about it makes me feel grumpy
And when I talked to other colleagues who enrolled together with me
My anxiety only rises
I hate my avoidance when people ask me how is it going on with my project
Because there is nothing going on
I am pretty surprised when the Head of Dept and sted in what I was doing lol
Maybe pretty interested in what I was doing lol
Maybe I am good in reporting outcome
Anyway hopefully I can sort this out soon

My friend had been telling me all I talk about is work now
Because that is what I mainly do lol
Hit 30 working hours in the last two weeks I got surprised too
So yea Wednesday pay day is definitely a happy day
Which is why I am more comfortable in spending money now (bad bad sign lol)
It was hard for the first week in winter break
Because business was so good we hardly had any chance to take a break
Imagine Subway sold out all their breads and people still coming in to ask for wraps
People, just eat something else

This job is starting to get boring but I think I really like it here
I like the exposure it provide, for me to interact with people from all walks of life
Even though our exchange might be only "what can I get for you today?", "six inch or a foot long"
And even though I hate the fact I am one of the oldest in the store
Just getting to know more people who are not doing a PhD widen my perspective lol
Kids who started working since 16 years old, coming in with a high school uniform but are much more well-mannered than me lol
I guess they learned a lot since young from working experience like this too
People saving for a car, a trip or working to support a family
It is not a job with good prospect nor a job anyone will love
But everyone stay here for a reason
And I like the very nice and even nicer colleagues
So yes I am really really lucky to find a supportive working environment
Even though I cut, burnt and scratched myself all the time

Meanwhile boss is going to train me to become an opener (sounded so wrong lol like a can opener)
Basically means I will be opening the shop, usually at 530am
Not alone, of course
I am afraid of myself lol. If I am doing that alone I don't know what will happen to the store
Even though I had to wake up before 5am for many more days
But I think this is much better for me because I can stay longer in uni
Anyway we will see how it goes

My Instagram project is going on pretty well
Looking forward to get 400 followers by the end of the month
I think I gave up on whatever passive income idea I had when I conceive the project
But
It is like the only highlight of my day I think
I don't like to share it on my social media account because I am a little shy lol
But this second account like simply sharing my life with random strangers and have random exchange about dishes we made is actually not bad
I like the anonymity and openness in it

Social wise
I am drifting away from school mates cause I am not at uni most of the time >.<
This is a really big issue I hope to solve soon
Meanwhile I had been going to more random meetups
Went to 3 different book club groups till now and still love my first one the most (which I had been religiously reading the book of the month and attending the monthly gathering)
Dropped out of the beginner creative writing class because 1) work 2) it is kind of boring 3) I am not really writing but maybe I will go back again if the time matches
Had a particularly fun meetup in a Thai restaurant which is crazy expensive but the companion is worth it
Philipino who works in Malaysian restaurant and can flip roti canai, Girl who were born in Perth but still going around telling people she is Malaysian (duh we are different level of Malaysian), Fiji Indian who sell Balinese furniture and DJ in pub
It was really interesting how you can gather so many interesting people in one random dinner table
I am still really awkward with strangers and had no idea how to strike a conversation but I am getting there lol
I really love the diversity over here like you can meet people from all over the world in Australia
The number of language I am hearing everyday is interesting enough

While I really love more and more about Australia
There are many things I miss about Malaysia
Most importantly are friends who I can have an honest face-to-face conversation about what is going on in life
I need one of those right here with me
I don't want to keep bombarding inbox of people who are in a different timezone and busy with work
And moments I missed while being here
Weddings. Celebrations. Transition of life.
There are many moments where I want to be there for friends and family
But can't
I know this is part of the package of living abroad,
Many people seem to survive just fine
But not me
I live for moments and connections
And this dryness is sucking up my well too

Let hope this is just a time thing
And we can look forward to a report with a happier tone next month
But overall July was a good month
Growth in many aspects (and being a sister which I probably failed) and many new experiences
But I want more
I want connections, outing and freedom
And we will slowly move toward that
Even though now I am still a squirrel storing food for the winter