I thought with the UPU result out, finally the torture is over and I could throw all the worries into the dustbin.

But, it doesn’t seem so…..I get my first choice but when I read through the sms, I am calm, so calm and still like nothing happened.

      I am feeling uncertain. This uncertainty doesn’t overwhelmed by the joy of me getting my first choice but wash it away.

I have been considering this for months. When I tried to explain to people what my course is, when I faced concern from people who care about me or those who think I am ridiculously nuts, I wondered. Did I make the right decision?

When I wrote about essay for scholarship application regarding why I choose the course, I feel like I’m blowing bubbles, gigantic, beautiful, magical bubbles with rainbow’s ray floating around, what a beautiful world I’ll create and wonderful job I’ll have! Wonderland wrapped in bubble, though breathtakingly beautiful, fragile on the meantime. Those were bubble that will break with slightest touch or even vibration of air particle, like my fantasy.

      Am I being too idealistic?

Well, one will never know. We made choices in life, everyday, big as my future career or small like what time we want to sleep. The most intriguing part of making decision is you never had a chance to experience what you left. Those thoughts that linger in your mind, the roads not taken which pop in our minds occasionally are nothing more than imagination. You regretted so much for not but things may go totally opposite with your mind if it actually take place. Fate always surprises us and our tiny “what if” with question marks that swirl in our brain seldom surpass the vast possibility of life.

There is a sentence that caught my heart. Choosing something means give up all the option for the only one you hold in hand. This time, I grab something. I want to know if this is worth it, for me to step on this desolate lane.

I might never know. Still, I wonder.

         记得吗？以前我们总爱站在走廊，倚着围栏，用三层楼的高度俯瞰来来往往的人，笑着说，这里跳下去应该只是断手脚吧，要几楼才死？

         答案今天揭晓了。四楼。真该庆幸我们的学校只有三层高。

         在家久了，真的有点郁闷。事实证明我就是那种爱拿一大堆东西折磨自己的人，闲赋在家两个月，太久了。有种感觉--自己被牢牢裹在个蛹中，随着本杰明的奇幻之旅，慢慢变成一只蠕动的毛毛虫。

         所以，开始爱胡思乱想(放心，我不是肚子饿)~是，除了追美剧看书做猪之外，就会有很多念头在脑袋里玩弹跳球~是种沉淀的过程吧！

         假期什么时候才结束啊？至少，早点让我知道大学的分配结果吧！悬着的心，很不踏实。

         去年，几乎错过了每个好友的生日。

         原以为毕业后，大家散落四处，一起庆生的机会，很难再有了。很庆幸，这次可以跟你们一起庆祝。

去年忘了你们的生日，琳的祝福迟了几天，存的我根本记错，一个月后才糊糊涂涂的献祝福，呵呵。

         其实有些惭愧。没跟你们一起拍很多很多的照片，没有一起去唱K，还会放你们的飞机，没给过你们很特别的生日……不要吃醋哦~

         我很麻烦，交通总是有问题，晚上十点就得回家，每次见面都是短短的一两个小时。其实很多想聊的。想问你们最近好吗？有遇到烦恼吗？总觉得相聚的时间太短，挖料的铲子才刮到表面呢~

         想让你们知道，你们是特别的。我们这一群，缘分紧密得惊人，相识少则五年，多则十几年。一班四十几人，依然保持紧密联系的，就你们几个。

         如今大家踏上不同的旅程，或许越走越远：现在就算你摔倒，我也扶不到；不能在你身旁讲故事；再也不会一起“读书”（八卦）；听你们的故事需要注释，我依然相信有一条蚕丝般细细的线把我们牵在一起，看不到，扯一扯，就会感觉到。

Gosh, today is father’s day and it turns out to be quite a disastrous one.

Honestly, I am out of wits and finally decide on buying the first ice-cream cake in our family history to mark this special day.

The big day started when my mum grumbling she is hungry so it’s the time to grab the cake. With my father covered with sweat and my dear grandfather having a sweet conversation with old Mr. Zhou, I ushered them to the dining table though that is obviously not the right time.

Covered in a XXXXL size white polystyrene box, it raised a serious question from my grandfather, HOW MUCH DOES IT COST? Then the mantra followed by……blah blah blah, why waste such money, ai….

When the cake first flashed into our view, it was floating on a pool of purplish liquid, or more specifically, melted yam ice-cream. Oops, seems like the refrigerator is not cold enough for our delicate sweetie. So, there is no ceremony, no candle-lighting, no whisper of wishes, no photograph taking, just hustling, grumbling and me slicing the cake clumsily. You see, our dainty cake need to be sent into the ICU. What a pity but what to do, its blur blur owner totally unaware that is need to be kept in the freezer.

Nevertheless, that is still a marvelous cake. I really like Sunlight cake!! With chocolate and yam ice-cream sandwiched between chocolate cakes, this is really a potpourri of my favorite desserts. My dear grandfather ate up his XXL slice of cake while continuously mumbling about my lack of thrifty. @.@

What makes me feel slightly delighted is my father actually think the cake is nice, quite surprising as he don’t like cake usually. But, my mother did complaint about me bring back such a huge thing cake which occupies half of her refrigerator and MELTS…..Actually, the cake is just like a nut in a matchbox. The super thick polystyrene container is made so to insulate heat. 

Seriously, I don’t know how to initiate reaction in my father’s inert nature. Annual Father’s Day card will be left at living room until it was collected together with the old newspaper or kept by my mum. T_T Last time, my Father Day Thank You letter remains undiscovered for three days though I changed the hiding place from slightly hidden to a obvious CAN YOU SEE IT??! spot and now it lies in my file.

But we can’t be frustrated by little obstacles right? So this year I took another strategy. After observing him for an extended period, I discovered handkerchief is the thing he need and that is what I will get for him.

The process of picking the gift is also quite amusing with us 3 young ladies walking around the underwear department in search of handkerchief. Actually, the boxes look just the same. We can’t help to wonder what people will think about this. =p A big thank you to Ning who nice enough to drove me and Han who sacrifice her sleeping time to keep us companied.

This time, to protect my precious gift from occupied by dust, I put that on an obvious place and straightly ask him, did you see that? With his face buried beneath the newspaper, he murmured a yes and monotonously asked: what is that?….since he can’t read the label, OK, I forgive him.

The rest of the day is just as dull as all other days. Oh, this is totally not the warm and heart-touching moments I imagined. Guess I forgot how passive my old folks are in expressing feeling thus missed the heating process.

Till now, half of the ice-cream cake is still shivering in my fridge, waiting for a life-saving spoon to scoop them out. As for my special gift, it was left untouched at its original position for 3 days until I took it out and opened it for my father!!!

         But still, Happy Father’s Day to all.

This year, I went back to my school for the Sports Day.

Our school welcomed us in a new garish orange coat, news about the headmaster leaving this school and more teachers joined this army while some gone.

Everything changed, yet everything unchanged.

Standing on the very field, somehow the atmosphere changed. Though they still do the same thing, ran, drill, set up stalls, I sensed temperature drop. Sports Day used to be carnival with boiling hubbub but now there are less people, less heat and less passion, even the lelong sounded powerless.

Is it because now I am a trespasser or the missing of team house decoration and mascot? We used to have all cute and creative mascots representing each team and amazingly decorated tent with various themes such as the Egypt Pyramid which I am looking forward to. I am really disappointed to see only plain tent with only some balloons. Well, I heard this is an order from our headmaster. He wanted the student to focus more on their studies.

But personally I think those wasted moments are what make Sports Day so special, skipping class to collect money, training after school, sweating under the sun for drilling practice, drawing those decoration and even stay till late night to this the last piece of decorations. Though I am not involved in Sports Day preparation, those vivid images are still in my mind. Crowds busy with piling T-shirts and beautifully painted polystyrene board that emit irritating odor. People are damn busy but also super energetic, in ecstasy. Though those pyramids only live for a day, it is worth it.

Pick up little conversation with our teachers. Standing in the same staff room, breathe in the super cool air con, it is like falling into the past in movies. The scene turns black and white with the same teacher sitting on the same place with the same position and maybe even chatting the same topic. I mean, I graduated, went to matriculation and graduated again, everything here is in their place. The almighty time doesn’t seem to have much effect here.

I managed to hit my target, talk to every teacher in my list. Hoho, my favorite teacher is still the same, maybe increase in weight? It is really quite warm to receive concerns from the teachers and exchange details of our recent life. I had to admit, it is quite tiring to answer same questions multiple times. But it is nice to hear about how my classmates doing, haven’t seen some of them for a long time.

A durian from the sky knocked our head. Our dearest teacher Miss Ting agreed to yumcha with us. She is going back to university, which means the very thing that keep attract me back to school are leaving too. Anyway, this is good for her, to start on another journey and maybe encounter her Mr. Right?

As usual, Sports Day is a reunion day for alumni and surprisingly this year, half of our class came back. I can’t help to notice how this one year sculpted us. They become more cheerful, more active, more mature and some aloof. They are talking about subjects that I don’t know, and the pressure. Sometimes I wish I knew how to help them but.....

I can’t press down the worries that bud in my mind, though now we met almost weekly, can we guarantee that all these difference will not tear us apart? I mean, I sensed the already, we live on different world, having new friends and distinctive topic. What will hold us together then?

Just like this school, when time flowed, more and more are leaving till one day, I can’t even find a familiar face in this place. New building rose while old trees chopped down, little is left for us.

Nevertheless, something will stay, just as our primary school sports day song, after 10, 20 or hopefully 50 years, we still sang with the same rhythm~前进吧，健儿们~