Quarter life

So I am back at this city
Everything felt familiar yet different

Had been muddled with lots of thoughts in this short break
It's like all the while you had been walking in the dark
In that split second a lightning struck
You got a glimpse of what's around
A brief and vague one
Then you wonder
Am I on the right track?
Is this where I really want to be?
I hate these seeds of doubts
hate the feeling of swaying between path I want instead of the destination
also, I hate how these thoughts keep popping out in my own head without my permission

Guess it's quarter life crisis
Going through 1/4 of life
Now that we have more than one decade to look back
You thought you should gained something
Molding into the shape that you want
But still, you are this invertebrate
Living day by day with the same old routine
of failing your mission to change

Thinking back, essentially my future profession is all about
behavior change
inducing behavior change in client and caregivers
but if the best you can do for yourself is this much,
I doubt how much you can help others

Am I having second thoughts?
Never felt this way about the decision I made
Never talked about it in this way as well,
not joy not excitement to share but anxiety and hesitation
I am positive this is not holiday withdrawal syndrome even though it might contribute some
Looking from a brighter side
Maybe sometimes stirring the pond of thoughts is not that bad after all
It's for you to rediscover and adjust
to be able to stride forward with sense of clarity and serenity
and a little fire

Hope I won't be lost for too long