Falling apart

the 'place' i regarded as solitude to my social awkwardness during uni days, and the 'place' where i made some of my closest friends through wit sparring... looks like it is falling apart. what can i do? 

What can you do?
and what would I do.

Being a part of the club,
So sorry I'm not the one holding it up,
Instead I'm the falling part

So recently there are a lot of concerns on the gloomy future of the club

And I'm really touched to see seniors offering help and lots of advice

to see people getting furious over the inertness of the club

Because this is how much they care

This is the place they called home in university

A fortress they built for us with so much love, care and guidance

Yet we did not take care of it well enough

But time changed everything

Juniors nowadays are not the one you see anymore

Trainings nowadays are not the training you used to have anymore

No matter you can foresee the downfall or not,

It is happening and I also hope we can find a way to reverse the trend before it is too late

Got a sweet little gift from our beloved senior with a love letter

I wonder how much he remember about me debating during first year

But still, as a little fan I feel like dancing

Because I also remember how he impressed me with his whole white outfit and extreme clarity in analysis and categorization

Reading through the words he wrote

"Don't waste your talent. Don't waste the last year of your university life"

I feel extremely sorry to him. Because I failed him and I have no intention to change the fact. Or incapable to so.

Looking at my peers or even juniors achieving that much in the arena of debating 

Sometimes I would feel bad 

I achieved nothing in my career as a debater

But I have no regrets over my choices

People have priorities in their life

Even though I love debate and the family we have here,

Debate is not the only thing that I love

Probably I should work harder and practice more

I won't say my lousiness in debating is due to my commitment in other activities

It's all about my laziness

Now I am so scared to even debate in trainings because I had not debate for so long

Almost a year to be exact.

But still, I SO WANNA GO TO ROYAL WHY I HAD TO HAVE CLINICSSSSSSSSSS!

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The other day,

when we were arguing about the principle of the club

Looking at senior that was so on fire and even on the verge of tears

I wonder when I am a super senior,

what would I do if I see the juniors steer my beloved home to crash an iceberg like Titanic

You can give advice but that's all.

It is their time. Their club. Their turn now.

No matter how much you love the club sorry you only have this much time in it.

You had your moment and this is theirs.

If they failed your expectation, this is because you did not form a foundation good enough to suport them

And NO. You can never come back and be the bossy king again.

Don't be a helicopter parents and learn to let go

Slap me to remind me to shut up if you need.

Thanks.

Still, I am grateful to have so many families around in this little campus

Although I can't give full commitment to any of my activities

But I'm glad I did involved in all the things that I love <3 and met so many wonderful people

May all these wonderful places survived through the age of HC and merits

To provide a home for many young souls that needed one

I can only do my best to patch and fill up all the cracks.

I hope I did.