http://www.arrowsmithschool.org/arrowsmithprogram/index.html



This is it

Guess I was just resisting.
Growth. Change. Try. To be better or worse.

Glad that I had all these lecturers that always inspire me
To be "strong yet gentle"
It's always motivating to listen to her speak
Of numerous clients and for everyone, she could recall everything in mind
Cause she is always there
Now I see more of what it took from a clinician
and ask myself more questions
"Are you strong/knowledgeable/considerate/emphatic/facilitative/professional enough"

I haven't nib that thoughts----this is too much to ask from someone
Imagine someone doing engineer, accounting or chef
No one demands on their personality
But I know every profession had their own requirement
And I definitely have no interest to become any of the above
Saw an article today,
"Job for intelligent but lazy people"
I was so happy and after clicking in,
I found that I was not smart enough to be lazy LOL
So I need to survive here

Heard a lot, talked to several, read through some blogs
I suddenly felt the weight on my heart lightens,
Although I still haven't find the solution,
but I had enough of deep thinking and processing
That questions, like any major questions in life
Can left to be regurgitated in leisure time

So please get into your life now.
You had spaced out too much.
Get back to your tracks thanks.
The train doesn't wait for you

突然明白 为什么很多人想找个伴
因为当你想去那里的时候 不管去哪里
都可以找他陪
朋友 可能没有这么高的commitment

现在的我 突然有很多想去的地方
因为想到可能不久后 就不住在这城市了

但是 我想要的 其实是一辆车
更好的是 我想去哪里都on
还可以载我去的 朋友

一个人 有的是自在悠闲
但就是少了点劲 少了兴奋（自high是很累的）
拍照不是拍风景就是大头照
要把自己的头刚刚好放在美景中
是有点难度的

有点小贪心吧 还是希望身边有人可以分享
好的是 朋友不是特别名词
所以可以找一号二号三号
不同的伴 到不同的地方
我的兴趣和兴奋点太偏非主流了
很难找到人可以陪我一起high吧

这次~~谁要陪我去吃印度餐？

I hate people whining
Yet I whine a lot recently
That is ironic
I avoid people who whines a lot
because I find it is too exhausting to try to untie their knot
I know some of them just like to whine, like me
This is the way to release their stress and frustration
Probably it is just that we do this in a different way
and we react in a different way.

I still love people around me a lot
But maybe my react mechanism changed
So maybe we all need to adapt to this.
Just like how I did.

It's all about your personality.
It gets magnified in that therapy room, through that double-side mirror

So I'm suppose to smile
Look at people's eyes
Keep a cheerful tone(Sorry for my naturally low pitch)
Stay organized and composed even though storm is going on
Confidently persuade parents even though I'm not that sure of what I'm delivering
and react in the exact moment when I am supposed to
Never realized I have so many defects in my personality till now

It sounded so simple but to put everything in mind and in action
Guess it overloaded my simple brain
I'm not designed for complex mental functioning
Sometimes I think it is too much to ask for
For me to be socially likeable, constantly exciting and ever ready for change
As if there is only one way for it.
You can say there is a range or spectrum, but I would say that range is just so narrow.

Today someone asked me "If they don't want to be helped, how could you help them?"
But she told me, "You will find a way, because you want to help"

To be honest, deep down somewhere I was questioning a lot of stuff
At one split second I understood by he decided to change course against all odds
It's frightening, depressing till one point you don't want to continue
For whole my life I never countdown when the semester will end
Because I never know how long had passed
But this time I am counting from the first week. Yea, completed 10%!
I survived. But is survival enough?
Is this little pass the edge survival enough to get you through?
Is this takes so much of me should I shed my skin just to get through it?
Is this how I want to spend my life? Challenge and psychological turmoil day by day?
And with this somehow the child seem less cute
The motivation and drive just evaporates

Maybe working life will be better. Or worse.
In a sense that you feel better but you are not doing better
Who knows. But I hate this sort of feeling
I need a very strong end goal and very strong faith
No wavering no hesitating no doubts
Only then I can keep going, without raising head from the books and ask questions
So please, someone, enlighten me
Lit up the halo in my head so I would want to pour in everything just for this




p/s: Sorry for all the complaints, I just need to vent it out and shove it back so I can continue with my plans and reports and plans and casenotes