the 'place' i regarded as solitude to my social awkwardness during uni days, and the 'place' where i made some of my closest friends through wit sparring... looks like it is falling apart. what can i do? 

What can you do?
and what would I do.

Being a part of the club,
So sorry I'm not the one holding it up,
Instead I'm the falling part

So recently there are a lot of concerns on the gloomy future of the club

And I'm really touched to see seniors offering help and lots of advice

to see people getting furious over the inertness of the club

Because this is how much they care

This is the place they called home in university

A fortress they built for us with so much love, care and guidance

Yet we did not take care of it well enough

But time changed everything

Juniors nowadays are not the one you see anymore

Trainings nowadays are not the training you used to have anymore

No matter you can foresee the downfall or not,

It is happening and I also hope we can find a way to reverse the trend before it is too late

Got a sweet little gift from our beloved senior with a love letter

I wonder how much he remember about me debating during first year

But still, as a little fan I feel like dancing

Because I also remember how he impressed me with his whole white outfit and extreme clarity in analysis and categorization

Reading through the words he wrote

"Don't waste your talent. Don't waste the last year of your university life"

I feel extremely sorry to him. Because I failed him and I have no intention to change the fact. Or incapable to so.

Looking at my peers or even juniors achieving that much in the arena of debating 

Sometimes I would feel bad 

I achieved nothing in my career as a debater

But I have no regrets over my choices

People have priorities in their life

Even though I love debate and the family we have here,

Debate is not the only thing that I love

Probably I should work harder and practice more

I won't say my lousiness in debating is due to my commitment in other activities

It's all about my laziness

Now I am so scared to even debate in trainings because I had not debate for so long

Almost a year to be exact.

But still, I SO WANNA GO TO ROYAL WHY I HAD TO HAVE CLINICSSSSSSSSSS!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The other day,

when we were arguing about the principle of the club

Looking at senior that was so on fire and even on the verge of tears

I wonder when I am a super senior,

what would I do if I see the juniors steer my beloved home to crash an iceberg like Titanic

You can give advice but that's all.

It is their time. Their club. Their turn now.

No matter how much you love the club sorry you only have this much time in it.

You had your moment and this is theirs.

If they failed your expectation, this is because you did not form a foundation good enough to suport them

And NO. You can never come back and be the bossy king again.

Don't be a helicopter parents and learn to let go

Slap me to remind me to shut up if you need.

Thanks.

Still, I am grateful to have so many families around in this little campus

Although I can't give full commitment to any of my activities

But I'm glad I did involved in all the things that I love <3 and met so many wonderful people

May all these wonderful places survived through the age of HC and merits

To provide a home for many young souls that needed one

I can only do my best to patch and fill up all the cracks.

I hope I did.

每次跟她说完话 都有想哭的感觉
要顾好你自己
要学会享受这个过程

很压力 想太多 想做好 不想搞砸
所以从来没有享受

怪自己
生了一张不会骗人的脸
慌 乱 失措 难过
旁观者都一览无遗

但是今天 心情前所未有的轻松愉快
不是因为做得很好
而是 我知道了 那种感觉
很认真做材料 很兴奋想要让小孩看到
一起玩得很开心
我笑 他笑
不用拉 不用逼 没有listen listen,sit down
就是这么简单

谢谢你
提醒了我 什么才是最重要的

也谢谢记得我们的小妹妹
谢谢你提醒我 会有甜美果实的

哈哈 不好意思就是想炫耀一下

这种百年难得一次的用心

是值得镶起来的

想要就从今天开始
真的 享受每一次短短的聚会
因为 真的 感觉到的

慢慢的 把每个点连接在一起

When you don't have the time
Hundred things swirling in your brain
You are so stressed about the never-ending to do list
But the thing that you wanted to do most is actually
Write about how stressed you are to make yourself even stressed (y)

When you have the time
You lag around and do nothing
Which makes you feel very good
instead of writing completing all the drafts
and now I feel the irony

我好像病了
越来越认不得自己
态度差到 自己都觉得自己不可爱
冷感到 世界与我无关
不规律的精神状态
只是被别人定的时间表拖着走

很冷 很空 没有动力

庆幸还有
十多年的老友
每次见面 都会狠狠的甩我几巴
提醒我 自己曾经热血温暖奋不顾身
然后冷冷的问 你怎么了
I wish I know

只想
给自己一点时间 一个微笑
看一本书
睡个午觉
给自己一个像样的空间
只是 时间 在哪里
心情在哪里

给自己一个拥抱
去睡吧

So I'm back in KL

Was unconscious in the 4 hours bus trip

With all my reports undone LOL

As usual, the holiday is never long enough

But I did enjoy my Kuching trip and will post a it soon(probably not that soon XP)

Had been lagging around without internet for the last few days

And it was pure depressing the moment I step in this place

I thought of the coming quizzes, reports, assignments, projects

The routine that kept chasing us all the time---plan, case note, report, home program

And that big stone just "phammm" back on my chest again

Recently I got a lot of comments

Probably you don't love it enough

Probably it is not for you

To be honest, these questions lingered around my brain so much

That I can't differentiate it reverberates because I heard it so much or it is actually my own voice

But I know, if I need to count down to make myself go through everyday of it

This is probably not healthy

Some people can bear with it, for decades

Doing something for the sake of doing

Taking up whatever offered to them and make them best out of it

But I need an end point that could motivate me

A final objective that I can associate with

So I would work my way toward it

Because my inertia(i.e. laziness) is stronger than anyone else

So the motivation force just need to as compelling as it could be

For me to just MOVE

You have no space for random thoughts or hesitation now pls thnx

For now, let's hope we can just survive.

Yes, welcome to the second half or my third year.

It will be over soon. Before another nightmarish challenging year begins.