0

Thank you June

Posted by Qi... on 20:44

End of another month
This is getting scary
Being let go by my SV for a month and had been procrastinating for the past two weeks
Havent been progressing much since then
Bad, really bad

But otherwise things are moving pretty well I guess

Finally settled down with the job
And feeling more comfortable working in a fast food place
I am still moving slow but at least I can move smoothly over the counter
I'd count that as an achievement for a sloth like me
I can't tell how lucky I am to get a job that actually pays minimum wage with casual loading
Love the opportunity to widen my social circle and get to know more people too
Though I haven't really mingle with my colleagues or build up relationship with customers
But at least the circle is there
And now I am not too worried about money in the near future

Another good thing is
I had been reading extensively recently
Finishing 2-3 books in a week
I really love a place with a good library
UQ don't have the best library and it is hard for me to get books for my bookclub but it is good enough
Finally read my Michael Sanders, knowing David Foster Wallace is most definitely not my read, and being creep out by Alicia Walkers's savage but believable sad stories.
And I had been going back to Coursera and EdX too
Even though I'm scrolling instagram most of the time
But I did really learn something from the courses
This is indeed my renaissance like I finally have time to read freely and widely
I am really happy about this

Lately had been working on an Instagram project
Too late to catch the insta money generating tide
10k followers seem very unattainable for me (according to online source that's the amount needed for sponsored post)
But maybe I just like to share with people my idea and my creations
Spent quite a lot of time giving likes (the only thing I can do for free and definitely not buying followers) to build up the profile
It is a bad thing cause now I have one more addiction and a really bad time consuming habit
But I am pretty happy to see the growing trend of my humble account lol
https://www.instagram.com/below_5/

I think I like this city now
With all the festivals every weekend and meetups and book club and the friendly people
Mostly the interesting events and just how welcoming the people are
Everyone is just so nice!
Of course nothing can cure my social awkwardness---I am a socially awkward penguin
But I feel comfortable walking into a meetup I know no one over here
Really comfortable. Maybe even more comfortable than going with my acquaintance lol
I sort of like the newbie from exotic country kinda attention
The uninvited curious intruder lol

So after all these sparkling moments
It is time for July
Mummy's birthday
Little brother is coming
I need to get going, read more, write more and work more
I miss busy uni life and maybe I am just trying to extend it over here lol

Thank you June, you had been kind and wonderful

0

五月 終

Posted by Qi... on 13:09

是時候 為五月寫個回顧
這個月 過得太不知不覺
可是 看似碌碌無為的過了
也是有很多新經驗

最棒的當然是找著工作了
當上sandwich artist
至少解決了燃眉之急
不需要一直動用老本

開工的時候
看著一堆十八九歲的小夥子
完全覺得自己又老又沒用啊
這麼老了 還來跟年輕人搶工作
重點是 還做不好
每個人都跟我說 哎呀 很快就上手 沒什麼好學的
但是笨手笨腳的我
就是抓蔬菜 切麵包 也是需要時間

是很好的學習吧
生活技能 然後認識多一點本地人
還有很慶幸 老闆真的很善良
面試之後 電話出了一堆問題
給老闆添了麻煩 謝謝老闆還是收留我

接下來繼續數一些開心事

1. 參加了一堆讓我開心的活動
-佛學會
每隔一兩個週末就會去三時繫念
不要問我為什麼大老遠去跟一堆大嬸念經
一開始 是忌日想祈福
後來是 感覺好像有轉運
而且 定心 所以應該都會盡量去

-UQ佛學會
在布里斯班離圖文巴那麼近了
一定會去學院一趟的
不過大學裡面有法師來分享
有一群可愛的小夥伴
(重點是第一天的美食把我騙到了-麻糬好好吃)
讓我感覺很舒服

-群組心理學
我一開始參與 是想了解群組心理學
結果 好像是一堆國際學生在表達交不到朋友的鬱悶
也蠻符合我的心情的
老實說 認識了不少人
但是 朋友 可以聊天的朋友好像不多
最後剩下三個學員
我還是堅持去了 沒有人 太可憐了吧
我真的覺得 有學習 有幫助
組員證實了我文化差異影響交友的假設
雖然事後我覺得 我的交友障礙
可能部份也是因為我的悶騷 口拙
總之 找到比我更慘的難友 就是讓我心情愉悅啊
而且沒有這個群組 我應該也不會去讀書會吧

-讀書會
這個我真的很興奮!
因為群組心理學課程的需要 我認真去執行了
一個星期前 找到這個家附近的讀書會
剛好上網找到免費的電子書
很強大的看完 然後就一個人在烏漆媽黑的街上找著聚會的公寓
雖然組員都是一群三十歲以上的女人
但是 這麼認真的討論書的內容 我很喜歡
起司也很好吃哈哈 五塊錢有紅酒 算值得吧
雖然我不喝紅酒
還有 謝謝trish的推薦 我看會去看一本這輩子都不會碰的書
聽到很多姐姐分享經驗 介紹好書
就是一個很愉悅的傍晚

-蘇迪曼杯
我覺得我是瘋了才會答應
門票就百五澳幣了
本來我是真的捨不得這個錢的
但是想想 來這麼久 哪裡都沒有去玩過
(以為可以順便去黃金海岸的)
就狠下心答應了
鬼知道 馬來西亞進不了八強
本來我是很抑鬱的去的
但是比賽真!的!太!精!彩!
羽球飛得好快
以前我從來不曾注意的隊伍
泰國 日本 都突然好強大
真的好得很興奮激情
而且 沒有國家包袱隨意歡呼
感覺還不錯
看到人家渾身穿金戴銀 傳著傳統服裝 帶著大鼓來助陣
突然一陣心虛
要是馬來西亞 進半決賽
我們會帶什麼去助陣?
kompang?
雖然沒看到李宗偉
看到童年偶像林丹也是很興奮的
也算是打一個小星星

--------------------------------------

好像感覺 我是來這裡玩的
呵呵 我不否認 不需要朝九晚五之後
我有很多的時間
可以開始上我想上的網上課程
看我想看的書 (而且還有不錯的圖書館)
每天在廚房搞點小實驗
很喜歡 這樣每天的小學習 小嘗試
其實真的 我只需要一個passive income
然後我可以待在田園 看書看電影做做菜寫寫字
這樣就好了

夢遠了 我好像把正職丟在腦後了
說真的 不太提得起勁來做我的研究計畫啊
其實我開始覺得 畢業之後
我可能連這行 也不想做了
一如往常 我的腦子 比行動快太多
再看吧 現在研究還在軌道上
非常緩慢前進 但是老師對我的期待也不高
所以 我就順著老師設的軌道慢慢滑

流水帳之後 來個總結
五月算是過得充實
有新學習 新嘗試 新成長
(還是很想去經典課程)
六月也要繼續這個勢頭

六月的清單:
-完成研究計畫書
-努力鑽錢(買了明年家人旅行的機票,還要存旅行基金)
-繼續參加讀書會佛學會
-認真學習
-認真習寫
-去走走

就這樣 認真生活就好

0

攀不上的幸運

Posted by Qi... on 15:05

有時 我覺得自己現在的一切
是我攀不上的幸運
(還是不夠努力的結果 科科)
連印度姐姐都說了
你能來到這裡 真的很幸運
好吧 我就相信了

機會和幸運 是給做好準備的人的
我覺得我沒做好準備
就跳上飛機了
現在 只好努力的抓著翅膀 避免自己掉下來

這個learning curve好大 好大
身邊的人 好像都比自己懂得多 想的快 經驗多
只是 有時心裡的魔鬼總會跳出來
在想 怎麼我沒有得到好康獎學金
怎麼 老師不推薦我工作
窮 真的會磨人心志
感覺自己的想法 也越來越酸 越自我貶抑

看著身邊比自己努力 強 幸運的人  太多了
很多時候 在感嘆自己遭遇不好的同時
我也在問很多憑什麼
自己這麼混混沌沌過日子
竟然也混到念研究生了
是不是應該
好好認真努力了

只是 有時候在想
要多努力 才夠
我只想 不勞永逸
偏沒生一個公主命
要過得舒服點
好像只能慢慢爬

眼前要爬的山很高
看不到盡頭
爬到累了 就會想巴自己
幹嘛這麼想不開 自討苦吃
不過 都卡在半山了
總得爬完吧

事情會慢慢變好的對不對
至少 終於找到工作了
所以是時候把羨慕怨嘆收起來
認真努力 勞役自己了


0

兩年

Posted by Qi... on 10:08

所以 你不在 兩年了
媽媽跟我說今天是你的忌日的時候
(因為去年她沒告訴我 我事後知道訓了她一下
今年直接提早一星期通知)
我就問了 所以我有要做什麼嗎
老爸說 阿公是不會去到澳洲那麼遠看我的
所以 今天我就和朋友烤肉去了
本來在想 應不應該吃素的

兩年 好像很久了
但是我還是很常跟朋友說
『我阿公喜歡這個』,『我阿公會這樣』
很多剛認識的朋友都以為 你還在
你不在 這句話 還是很難啟齒
馬來話一句berat hati 是真的
可是至少 我不會眼眶泛紅
也沒有再亂亂哭啦
時間久了 真的就能平復很多情緒

但是
昨天 去了一趟三時繫念
前排站著一位白髮慈祥的老公公
一直對我笑
害我突然有點哽咽
其實他們長得一點都不像
我阿公也不會那麼慈祥的笑
而且 事後我發現
他可能其實只是要閃耀眼的陽光 所以一直轉過來
然後是在尷尬的對我們笑
不過我的重點是
我的淚腺 一遇到白髮大叔 還是很發達的

迴向的時候
本來是想迴向給你的 然後在想 是不是要寫個牌位
但是想想 希望你已經在另一個世界
過著更好的生活
這些多餘的 你都不需要了
愛別離苦 我會學著適應的

0

Officially quarter life

Posted by Qi... on 09:46

"As members of a thinking species on a small planet in a giant universe, with no more than 80 to 90 years of life, I think it is wrong to sit on our haunches and enjoy economic well-being. We are, after all, in a great race for life against death, for knowledge against ignorance, for exploring and understanding the world around us before the big contraction or crash or whatever comes next. And hard work is the only way forward."


I guess I fast-forward into quarter-life crisis few years back
(Always an early worrier >.<)
But here I am, 25, jobless and prospectless
This is definitely a legit reason to worry lol

Entering a new age at a foreign country
Where I am still very new is very different
I am trying to keep this low and make myself feel small
So I didn't let anyone in the school know lol
But secretly I am anticipating a surprise birthday party
Which of course only exist in my wildest imagination
Anyway I need to shout out a big thank you
Subway Hakataya Boost BR Nandos for cheering me up
When most of my friends at home are ignorant of my bday lol
And also my hommie, for the present and cake and company

Omg I'm in a new age category in most surveys now
That pisses me off a little bit
And also meaning I am in another stage of life
Where I should be doing something
But well, I am doing a postgraduate degree
Which might or might not be useful

Anyway
I am still grateful and happy about my life
Finally get more time to focus on what I want to do and learn
Living a life too chilly until I feel stressed
Starting on a project very intimidating but I'm on it
and I am adapting to the new life pretty well
Don't think I love Brisbane until I want to stay here forever
But the more I get to know it,
The more I like it
And it's good, right?
For me to like the city I'm in
Hopefully the life that comes with it too

My wish for this year?
Get a job
Get my projectsss done--develop a second interest/career
Keep learning--effectively
Travel with family
Stay happy

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