0

文藝期

Posted by Qi... on 14:19

請不要問我為甚麽
但是應該在努力的這一天
我開始亂來了
聽了coursera的理財課
看了梁文道的導讀
去图書館借了📖

昨天回来的時候很低落
我想 坐在桌前一天真的不適合我
一到下午两三點我的脑细胞就關閉了
覺得思考不到 很煩燥
提早回家 离開時再度撞上垃圾桶
(我靠這個垃圾桶跟我有仇)
想去公园 结果睡醒天黑了
煮出来的南瓜燒🐔跟理想有很大差别
想烤南瓜籽结果烤焦了
對不起那一小時的电費

自從星期三跟老師聊天後
就有點低落
覺得自己的程度太差了
好像連基础都没有好想自我放弃
老師很善良 只有婉转 有褒無貶
小小的成就 就给你很多贊
我想說 老師不要把我當幼稚園學生好嗎
不過老師一問
你到底是来幹嘛的 最终目標是什麽
我就只能丢出一個尴尬的笑容
這個問題 我想了兩年
答案有了很久
只是我不知道這個世界可以配合我嗎

Anyway 一如往常
我低落的時候
就喜歡寫字 看文言文
所以来澳洲我只带了 两本
很久很久都不會翻開 但是象征意義很大
本来应该做功课的夜晚
突然寫起字來
寫着寫着 感覺就比较沉着了
但是 有點小難過 感覺和記忆力都比以前差了
我覺得我的所有感官 都被手機上瘾症磨毁了
要快點戒掉

说真的
我的文青细胞突然開始蓬勃生長
我都忘了自己是來幹嘛的
這樣 一下沾一點
其實 有學到東西嗎
我也不知道
但是 我喜歡這樣的問題
下個星期的我
會想巴現在的自己
但是 這樣才是我 不是嗎

真的想要很努力保持住
那個离我越来越遠的理想


0

Screen time

Posted by Qi... on 21:04
When you are looking at someone through the screen
And listening to delayed auditory signal
Somehow everything is different

Probably because it is dinner time
and apparently my friends are hungry
But it just felt so different
The dinner conversation that I missed
People I could lie on their bed and talk hours to
Felt different when they are behind the screen

I guess I am too lonely
and talked a bit too much about myself
When there is nothing to talk about
Actually I just wanted to hear more
To get updates and continue be part of your life

Even if I am far, far away
Like in different time zone
I miss my friends

0

Week 2

Posted by Qi... on 17:04
Can't believe I am on Week 2
Constantly question why am I here and wtf am I doing
The more I know about what I had to do
The more I realize how ignorant I am
Coming here knowing nothing

Well, actually this is week 3
My 3rd Saturday
Everything else is perfect
(This sentence sounds too familiar isn't it)
Then it comes the "but"

Academically it is too early to say anything
But I am completely sure I will struggle hard
Like want to squeeze my brain juice out kind of hard
Everyone else is so experienced and established with published papers and stuff
I am this clueless bird that flies into the wrong window
I stammered when people ask me why do I want to do PhD
Because this is something I always wanted to do somewhere down the road?
When people ask me what is my project about
I get more awkward...why do I come all the way here?

But fortunately---as always
People here are really friendly.
All the other PhD students in my school are really approachable
Most of them are more matured than me and in another stage of life
I don't know why I am out of the circle everywhere lol
I miss iSports
My cultural gap and awkward communication still exists
Anyway they are really welcoming
and I had the first BBQ in a park, so Aussie style
(got lost and walked for 1 full hour......i got water bubbles down on my feet dy)
Luckily Jiahui is there or else I would be dead lost
And something I realized is I am still pretty much in the Asian group
Can't really get used to the Western over-expressionism I guess
Anyway I will try to slowly fit in
I hope I can, at least there is Spore and Korean jiejie haha

Financially I have not been particularly frugal
Spending lots of money on grocery shopping
Kitchen experiment is fun and life transforming
I made puff! and frozen pastry skin is miracle like literally everyone can be puff expert
And many other new things
Got a housemate that shares a similar interest in kitchen like me
But more into health junkie I guess
Makes me all sorts of smoothies and bloody red beetroot soup!
Well sometimes she gets more creative than me in the kitchen lol
QD Dark Kitchen meets challenger

Well, I gained lots of happiness and satisfaction from the kitchen
and maybe calories (even though I don't always feel like eating my own cooking)
but sometimes I feel like happiness is just carrot.
Carrot in the carrot and the stick theory
It gets you moving cause you are this gluttony donkey
But it is as impermanent as everything else in life
I guess this is just the beginning. Maybe I will get bored of it very soon.

Anyway the money thing is a big concern
V jiejie is telling me 5k is gonna fly away in like 2 months
Maybe I can stretch to 3-4 but that's all about it
Not helping in reducing my anxiety
But maybe I don't need help lol
I need more anxiety
I am really thankful for their suggestions though
Like they are more concerned than me and I am too chill
Anyway it was interesting to have conversations with people at the end stage of their PhD
Job seeking, PR seeking
Another stage of identity lost and omo go back to workface
Somehow it feels familiar
Like this will just be a 4 years detour and I will face the same problem all over again
No wonder my mum keep telling me we will figure out things after you graduate

I think the main reason for my guilt and anxiety is my parents
I should be having a decent job and a decent pay and bring them for tours once in a year
But in that one year that I worked, we did nothing like that
Which makes me feel pretty bad
Then it is going to be 4 years apart and when I got back (which I am not even sure if I will)
They are going to be so so old
I feel really bad about all this
But maybe I should stop feeling bad and take action
Like what my friends say
even 5usd translation job
That is money isnt it?

Do more when I have the time
Please do
Save yourself

0

Day 4

Posted by Qi... on 20:08
起的比预计中迟
早餐吃着sunlight買来的面包
便当偷了屋友的姜葱酱用昨天的剩饭炒了姜葱炒饭
準备要出門才發現巴士票单程3.2aud
是抢劫嗎
单程耶 每天都要去的
可以不要这样对我嗎
concession application却很有效率的回我不行
我想我的student ID還没搞定吧
幹 需要有效率的却一直拖
以为這個需要兩個星期我提早申请的 不到一天就回复
天啊
我的打工申请這麽快有回复就好
然后想想 不也在这里第一个星期而已
是不是给自己太大压力了
可是 巴士一天就要七块了 有压力是应该的吧
不管了 今天去当半天游客再说

今天算是勾了大學清單裡的幾個項目
在草地上吃便當了
去了圖書館美術館
但是大學的美術館在更新展覽館所以只開放一半
所以也沒什麼心情逛
突然醒悟草地什麼的 是拿來顯擺的啦
總不能一直坐
不過坐在湖邊 看著跳著 游著 飛著的鳥
就是看著湖水波光靈動 也感覺歲月靜好
看心境吧
今天還莫名的一直下雨
又有點冷 真想說布里斯班的秋天我錯怪你了

去了一個小工作坊 真的很小 只有三個怪咖亞裔
然後旁聽了一場辯論
驚訝的發現今天有hidden figure免費放映會
但是今天佳人有約啊
然後 很難過的發現期待已久的瑜伽班取消了
因為只有我一個報名
好像真的要感歎 就算到了萬人大學
我有興趣的東西 還是很小眾
Anyway 大脑的工作坊還是學到新東西
瑜伽下次還會有的
而且發現south bank也有免費workout
感覺開心了 雖然。。。我好像不是運動咖

今天的重點是終於去到southbank和市區
遊客區 河邊 公共泳池 古跡區
所以感覺很良好了現在
還有看了大學給的手冊 
我覺得接下來三年
都可以有很多東西慢慢探索
我就滿足了
感覺有點小小愛上了
可能因為有本地人指路吧
有農產市場 藝術市場 多姿多彩的免費活動
個性書店 唐人街 多到不行的公園
這樣 我就滿意了
雖然人是有點多 不過 唉 
我已經放棄躲避人潮了
畢竟 靠我也撐不起這些市場不是嗎

也很感恩朋友的朋友
讓我第一次發現這麽多新奇
還有加长了我的to go list

我想 在這里生活三年 我做好准备了




0

Day 3

Posted by Qi... on 22:10

寫到第三天就有點懒惰了
因為日子终於開始变充实了
但是朋友們说得對
去到大學 我就會開心了
真的 很很很雀跃 不過真的好像進大觀院呵呵

首先 很有成就
大清早成功起来弄飲料弄早餐
還不小心發現有童鞋躲在欧洲思考人生
突然好羡慕赚新币的朋友😂😂

然後走了四十分钟的路
终于到我未来三年的家啦
好在我解读谷歌地图训练有素
完全没有迷路
还很聪明的找到地图
在校园也探索无碍
自我感覺很良好

但是真的有被学校震撼到
太大 太多人 好像一個城市了
不過里面有一百栋建筑物就小不到哪里吧
重点是 好多人 车水马龙 人来人往的
不是甚麽 只是覺得這麽多學生 就業前景很堪忧
Ps. 来到這里之後我平均每天發出五分简历
希望他們只是反应慢 而不是没有人叟我
其實 世界很完美 只要找到工作 我就OK了
不過還有 雖然那麽多人
不過大家人来人往 是要怎麽交朋友啦

学校太大一日游来不及参观
頭髮太丑不想拍照
但是至少SV超nice
带我逛逛還请我喝巧克力
负责姐姐也算OK
不過电脑不是新的
只是學生卡 银行卡 都要等几天 天啊
明天 也许我去市区游客一日游好了

机缘巧合之下跟A姐姐一起吃午餐
跟着长袖善舞的姐姐也好
认识了很多未来同窗 很国际化的团队
从韩国越南新加坡伊朗澳洲的都有
还蛮令人期待的
而且我的座位还跟A姐姐背对背
但是看到未来的区域只是一个电脑桌
我晕
不是为了逃避朝九晚五才出国的吗
怎么突然把自己困在朝八晚五的desk Job
Omg背叛我的人生原则
希望研究生生活比我有限的想象更有趣
不然 快点找幅墙给我

回到家 又发现恐怖的事
原来屋友还没交上审核表
她说要去投诉但是表格还是要交的啊
我晕
不過话说回来 经纪不肯定地址 也太扯了吧
别提我的信是要迷路去哪里
写对地址 邮差都很难找到了
现在就算了 突然觉得银行哥哥让银行把卡寄到分行而不是我家 太聪明了

有几点小得意
终于煮到像样的一餐了
雖然食材很有限
然後成功杀价把洗衣机杀到一百块
太感动了
不过最后因为屋友银行问题 今天拿不到 好难过
希望明天会搞定

Ps. 媽媽因為我嘴唇脱皮開始drama我好想哭 居然問我裂的话会爛會细菌感染會发炎嗎 媽媽你要長常識 不然我每次看到你的"我好担心"我會很晕

明天有人约我吃晚餐好開心 是不是时候来個游客天啊


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