Sometimes it felt like you will never reach there

Sometimes it felt like you will never reach there
For months, I felt like I did nothing
Maybe that is the fact
This feeling of getting stuck and labouring for nothing is emptying me
I am floating in this sense of insecure emptiness
Not sure about what should I do
Not sure about what am I doing now
Not sure about what I should do next

I am coming up to my mid-candidature soon, which is the two-year mark of my PhD
and I have nothing to show
Literally nothing
I have no idea how to fix all the loopholes and come out with a presentable study
The fact that bothers me more than me having nothing to show is,
I am not sure if this will get better in the future
I don't see how I would transform rapidly in the next two years

I was having a conversation with some friends yesterday,
Some were saying they would still do their job if they won the lottery, some won't
But no one would work for free
I stay silent.
Because I am working on this "job" with no secured income, me having to slave to feed myself, and completely unsure of my job prospect
And I just couldn't say it.
Seriously, I hate it when they ask me "how is uni", or "how is your place"---because both sucks
And I cannot stop comparing myself to people around me
Peers my age who are out there doing their things,
And me, over here doing nothing.

This is the very first time I have doubts about what I am doing for the past two years
Or maybe doubting myself
Maybe this is not for me, cause I will never have the academic calibre
You might say it will come with time and training, but I just know this is not in me
I cannot even concentrate on reading my own document and find out all the missing -s,
I don't think I can commit to reading 10 student's assignments and actually comment on the content.
Maybe this is a trivial example, but I am just tired of it, even before I started--------
I am tired of tying myself down to commitments that I don't intend to commit in the long run
I am tired of postponing and forgetting what I actually wanted to do, or not having enough time to accumulate the skills for it
I am tired of waiting for myself to get through this, so I can do XYZ
Because I realized if I keep on postponing my XYZ, it will never happen
And I will just move further, further away from them

Maybe I am just tired of this shit.