It's the hormone

Haven't been this depressed to go to fml for a long time
Maybe it is the hormone
Maybe it is the injection I got today
Maybe it is my multiple newbie mistake
Maybe it is the unsolved housing issue
Maybe it is my lost keys
Was zombie-ing on the bed for hours and shouted at my mum cause she is the only person in the world I can shout at and now I'm even more depressed

I had been wondering
I know it is bad to have second thoughts
But I am swaying
I never understand my own decision
I always use elimination method and try on all the least desired but the wisest decision according to norms
Even if my guts tell me this is not for me
Or maybe this is just the forever inadequate me trying hard to catch up and fit in

Trying very hard to squeeze time and get adequate Internet to view the courses I joined
Trying harder to get myself to prepare for cases and do all the documentations
People say follow your heart, it will tell you what you want
But what if my heart already stop looking forward?