UPU....

I thought with the UPU result out, finally the torture is over and I could throw all the worries into the dustbin.

But, it doesn’t seem so…..I get my first choice but when I read through the sms, I am calm, so calm and still like nothing happened.

      I am feeling uncertain. This uncertainty doesn’t overwhelmed by the joy of me getting my first choice but wash it away.

I have been considering this for months. When I tried to explain to people what my course is, when I faced concern from people who care about me or those who think I am ridiculously nuts, I wondered. Did I make the right decision?

When I wrote about essay for scholarship application regarding why I choose the course, I feel like I’m blowing bubbles, gigantic, beautiful, magical bubbles with rainbow’s ray floating around, what a beautiful world I’ll create and wonderful job I’ll have! Wonderland wrapped in bubble, though breathtakingly beautiful, fragile on the meantime. Those were bubble that will break with slightest touch or even vibration of air particle, like my fantasy.

      Am I being too idealistic?

Well, one will never know. We made choices in life, everyday, big as my future career or small like what time we want to sleep. The most intriguing part of making decision is you never had a chance to experience what you left. Those thoughts that linger in your mind, the roads not taken which pop in our minds occasionally are nothing more than imagination. You regretted so much for not but things may go totally opposite with your mind if it actually take place. Fate always surprises us and our tiny “what if” with question marks that swirl in our brain seldom surpass the vast possibility of life.

There is a sentence that caught my heart. Choosing something means give up all the option for the only one you hold in hand. This time, I grab something. I want to know if this is worth it, for me to step on this desolate lane.

I might never know. Still, I wonder.