One year can be this long.
When I try to recall events that happen last year, it felt like years ago.
Guess I just try really hard to live out everyday.
Tried to juggle between lots of things.
Exhausted.
Tried to say no to some but failed at times
Learn how to say NO is still a big topic for me to cover.
Especially how to slap myself and tell me there is NO TIME and
you can't put your feet in everything you want.
I need random excitement.
Guess there is a little kid inside who just think of PLAY PLAY PLAY
Nothing else matters more than having fun.
Need a bunch of crazy bean at my side.
I'm not the agent or catalyst of change, as always
Seen my bad side.
The kid inside never grow up to face my responsibility.
They hide when the fun is gone.
I've changed a lot. From inside.
Getting more and more quiet and keep more to myself.
Raw and undigested thoughts because not being talked to
Start to dislike more things
Maybe growing up is all about being fit into a mold
and we are fighting to keep ourselves within
Of course there is lots of Great.Awesome moments
and it is all because of AWESOME people I know.
Things we do might be so simple. even idiotic at times
But it is pure bliss to be with those who you can talk to care-freely
Learned a lot from my surrounding
How to appreciate things from different ways
How a soft and caring soul and be so soothing
How should we put our heart together with others
You never know if you don't try
And the age of trying without fear is reaching its end, sigh
If there is anything I feel bad about,
I think I ignored certain people that cared about me.
And my family.
Myself.
*Hugs*
Thanks everyone for helping me live through this year
Time to clean the mess up and move on to my path with a light backpack
Strolling on lane with birds chirping around the woods.
This is how I want my mode to be.
As idealistic as ever.
And hope I can leave the lazy bits of me behind.
Ok, I'm not supposed to blog at all especially when my brain cell are all distorted by the study of sound wave
Suddenly something hit me. All around my brain space. Reverberating.
The voice of a boy. I remember exactly every word he said, the intonation and the jokes he made in that 5 minute sharing.
I think the only way to get rid of it is to write it down.
Oops, I didn't choose this on purpose but I saw myself inside! XD
There is a sharing session in the camp that people came up and told us about Sandy. What happened, and what did they do. How devastating this hurricane is, paralyzing the city.
The slides begin with the title "Paradise on Earth". Isn't that what New York meant for us? Robust metropolitan, bustling with people that pacing fast, city with lights that never dimmed. And no one can imagine, when hard time strikes, the inhabitants of heaven fell, too. Hit the ground, too hard. People lost everything they have, house shattered, no electricity, and it is freaking cold outside. They had to queue for the aid distribution. Some come as early as 1am, withstanding the cold wind, because they have nothing and they need this so desperately. And this is New Yorker.
One thing I like a lot about Tzu Chi is apart from giving aids, they always encourage the recipient to give back. They are not the pity one receiving from others, but if they want to, they can help also. Therefore, the funds flowing into US come from all over the world, including countries like Philipines and Myanmar. Those poor people who earned less than USD 2 per day, donates as well. Some, even without cash, they give out rice. One handful per day. It meant a lot to them even if we might laughed at the idea.
Many questioned. US is so rich, why should we donate to them. But for those poor farmer, they have a pure heart. They see people suffering, and that is the only reason they should help. It is harder to persuade people here. Some Muslim came and ask, the evil US had been helping Israel to bully Palestine for so long, and you are asking people to help them? (Wrong timing >.<) I like the answer of one particular uncle."We donate to them even if they are richer because we are more caring, we are richer in soul." Even I questioned that, and the help provided was so much, $600 for each victim. Wait!!! That was more than one month salary of ordinary Malaysian worker. The fundraiser had to collect how many 50cents, RM1, RM5, RM10(that was rare!) to pay more it? But Master Cheng Yen said we must provide the immediate relief. What they needed the most and as much as they need to start on a new life. So in US, it is $600 per head. Phewww, this number still stun me. Perhaps we used to believe that donating little can help those in poor and now, when measured in US currency, it is kinda mind-blowing. There are just so much wisdom behind the act.
Finally the main point came.
This guy came out. He was definitely a great speaker, with the naturalness and sincerity. Ok, it is after the South Africa touching story. Another part to come. He is a New-York born ABC, studying in California, I stalked his fb, he is taking Astronautical Engineering 0.0. Add one more star for the hard to spell course name. These are excerpts of his sharing that I can recall.
"I called back and I thought everyone is OK.
I know this is a huge hurricane but we are new-yorkers, we get back on our feet.
Few weeks after that, I browsed through a video on US360.
I was surprised to see how serious the damage is.
Far worse than what I thought.
Then, I saw a lot of familiar faces.
Those people I know, doing TzuChi together, they are there, handing aids, talking to the victims, offering help.
Then, I saw my dad. He was crying on the screen. Yes, I saw my daddy crying, on TV. But he was crying not because of the damage, but how grateful he is for being able to help.
I had the urge to get back immediately.
Be there for the victim, my home people, and my family.
I know he must been going through lots of sleepless night, having video conferences with Master Cheng Yen. Like all TzuChi people, he tend to put himself second."
He wanted to get back immediately to help, but his father asked him to stay back because flights are too expensive. It was $600, exactly how much they gave each victim.
"I'm a good boy, so I stay." Imagine the face of little boy that couldn't get the toy he wanted.
He was so cute then he said "I wanted to reach out to those people. Really being there. Distributing things, I want to get to hug people too."
Still, his father told him, "If you want to help, go to the California office. They need people."
Haihh, traditional stern Chinese father with all those values
So he went there and offered himself. As it turned out, they NEED help.
People in US don't know about Tzu Chi. But they heard this organization is giving out money, real cash for the eligible one. Calls are coming in and they need people that can speak English.
Most of them are immigrants from Taiwan--obasang and ojisang so you can imagine.
So he was like "I speak English, yea I can do this."
There is a list, what is your name, where do you live, what have you lost?--blah blah blah
You can imagine him swagging his leg, talking over the phone.
So here come the phone call.
"I heard you guys are giving out money. Is this true?"
He answered those questions, absent-mindedly, but slowly he began to realize. He is speaking to a real victim. Someone who really lost something in the disaster, someone like those receiving aid in the TV.
It somehow changed everything.
"You can help, from everywhere". Even if you are not at the front line. The aids couldn't be held in the victim's hand without anyone in the chain.
And lastly, our cute boy get a warm hug from the senior. :D
My dearest team leader shared a story with us. She was in one of the event shown in the sharing session. It is in a church dominated by African American, it's Thanksgiving. She heard a lot about aids-giving work and how moving it was, being able to help and offer comfort. She was eager to do something , but she was so disappointed when she was assigned as the usher, the one standing beside the door and say welcome. (O.S.: who ask you so busy before this and didn't join the service? Those without experience sure get behind the list :p) So you can imagine, the eagerness+120% passion suddenly dropped to ice-cold. She felt bad for not doing that whole-heartedly, because she felt underused in the first place. But you know, greeting people with the warmest smile can lit a sun in their heart too.
Everyone, matters. You can help by being the one who bend 90 degree and hand in the aid to the victims, hugging them. wipe off the tears, answering phone at the call center, cook behind the stove and see no one, collecting fund back at home, help wrapping the gift pack at another corner of the world. Anything. You might not be hero on the screen, the victim might not be aware of your existence and help, but you helped. This is all that matters, isn't it?
How they preparing food for the victim, in dark.
In a city without electricity and clean water, volunteer doesn't get it too.
Make myself egg-mayo sandwich for meal-breakfast, lunch and dinner =.=
Study. Sleep. Study. Facebook at intervals.
Sleep for a long time.
Study mood seep away
This is how I condense my study week into a day.
I'm so gonna regret this. TIMEeeeeee is very precious.
Wonder how I can be so relax and yet writing blog when I should have use this 24 hours like A WEEK! QAQ
Guess I'm used to condensing my time in this semester.
Get some bad news tonight
Two old men passed away
R.I.P
They are older generation that I don't know well
But they did directly or indirectly shapes my view in many things
Maybe for some people they are not good people,
but let bygone be bygone
They are off for another journey and I'm just going to have a moment of silence for them
As a sign of respect for their 70 years of life on this earth
Still can't believe I'm flying tomorrow. I even haven't start to pack
Hope it is worth it. Hope everything will be fine.
Unexpected things happen just to test you. How fast and how well could you respond.
Hope I can pass this extra test :)
P/S: Superrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr hope I'm at hometown. Eating peanut-coated tangyuan and gather with my long unseen friends. But I guess you can never have it all in life. Yet I'm still the greedy type that want the best part of all. Humanity is always contradicting.
Took this long ago, in case I couldn't be back for this :p
Everything seemed unchanged but you know, something changed.
Decision made. You chose regret. For a good reason.
And you are going to make the best come out of it.
You always look for adventure in order to forget more important things. You always want to feel the adrenaline flowing in your vein and you forget that the only thing that should be flowing through them is blood.
November had been a tiring month. For unknown reason. I hate it the most when I couldn't even remember which monster took away all my time.
Times passed without having time to THINK.
And only recently I realized what a big jerk I can be if I want to.
I want to find back the pace, where I can switch to leisure mood, stroll around and think of some nonsense. The luxury to spend time as I wish. Even if it is spending the whole afternoon doing nothing in my room. Read a novel. Gossip. Movie.
Guess it is obvious that I'm tired. And a little lost. You know people have this corrective mechanism that every time when we sensed something is wrong, you tried to amend it. But the cycle still goes around. Always get myself overloaded with things I like and dislike.
Now I just wanted to follow the steps. One by one. Do what I should with all my strength. Hate it when I had to rush everything last minute and hand in things that are not even passable.
Idiot who only love the lovely part of the world and try to evade any tear-inducing scene, including onion slicing. >.< Still learning to discover the beauty hidden beneath ugly mask in the true world and keeping my smile no matter what happen. Cherish every moment of my life…^^
