Recently, people keep telling me what am I LACKING.....

Lack of communication skills-the BASIC one
Lack of confidence
Lack of analysis and DEPTH
Lack of time management
Lack of self-control

blah blah blah....

The list is just so long...hope this three principle is enough for me.....^^

Guess I'll start with talk more and BRAVELY about my feeling...
I'm enduring the mosquito coil that really burns my eye ( yay, good news is I get used to the smell now) and I didn't even say a word about it to my dear roommate ><

FIRST lecture: EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION


And I'm going over all the high school girl shyness
thing....you know, just smiling politely while pondering what to talk, should I talk until it isn't necessary to talk anymore. Feel insecure and lonely in places without acquaintance and turning into the gentle and quiet girl which is NOT me.....arrgh...I don't want it to be with me anymore. Feel like I am being more and more inward recently, I talk to myself more than anyone else. And I'm gonna be therapist that try to let people talk.

It is time to step forward.

Wondering why am I getting sick over and over again?
Sick of it....

It was my favorite class and I'm proud of my record that I never slept through it before.
Well, records are meant to be broken
Yes, my classmates are amazed by my abilities to fall asleep anytime during class
I could see them directly opposite me....laughing
but I don't know if I should tell them
This time.....I'm trying my best to hold my eyes open
I am really using forces to hold it wide open
And most of the time I am unconscious of my unconsciousness
I don't even have the energy to explain anything to them
I just want to drag myself back to room

Found sleep is the best remedy....
Slept for 16hours and finally woke up to find my fever and headache gone
(Bad effect: I had serious insomnia for 2 days)
It reminds me of how good free time is
So glad to skip unwanted rehearsal and extra tutorial
Could I use sick as excuse to run away from all these unwanted meeting next time?

Sore throat, flu and cough please leave me...

I really wanted to ask: Is there anything wrong with my voice?

Today, I had an interview with a prestigious professor, Dr K who was one of the founders of our course. I was supposed to be an audience but I was so curious that questions popped out from me, but just a few. I want to emphasize, it was less than five sentences. At the end of the interview, the professor (used to be an ENT) suggested me to do a test on my vocal cord…..could you feel the bunch of question marks that popped out from my head?

So I was told, there was a problem that should be look into, the coarseness of my voice that I didn’t aware of, which I would blame on the high frequency of laryngitis and cold and the cough. Then only my classmates told me how SERAK my sound was. All of them. As the lightning strikes, I couldn’t wait to rush to the clinic and get an appointment.

So I met our lecturer to have the test. He told me that he could sense something wrong from my first word and my rate of normalness of my voice, 6 out of 10 was too high. He is the one that put the adjective “coarse” on my voice. Sobs. Then my second question came: was my problem that BAD?  

I had to say, the lecturer was really nice and I would like him more if he didn’t had to pull my tongue and poke the steel rod into my mouth. I still like him, in spite of that. Blame my gag reflex that we tried in vain for half an hour and failed to get the image he wanted. But he was really patient and explained in great detail about all the procedure and possible outcome. I wonder if I could reach that level of professionalism, you know, not showing the frustration or anger even he asked: "WHY" I couldn't do that, forgive me as I really don't have the answer, my tongue act on its own will.

Next wave of shock, he said maybe he should get Dr K to check my larynx together. Does my larynx really have that honor to have the service of my idol? Nevertheless, I get an appointment tomorrow, but without knowing who I am seeing.

I know, to be a SLP or even a normal people, I need a nice voice and actually, I do like my voice and all those were devastating. I am wondering, should I get an ENT appointment which I really hate it. Really wanted to advice my fellow medic friend don’t take ENT because you’ll ended up poking in people’s nose, mouth and ear all the time. Not fun for the patient and you.

Time for more water and no fast food! (had to reject McD and Domino today, good things always came at the day that you can’t have it) Instead, I have porridge.

Just hope I could get finally get a view of my voice cord tomorrow.

Had the first outing with my classmate.....Finally, yes....so sorry for that missing all those fun before. =p

Enjoyed the day and I’ll remember someone that held my hand joyfully to declare our first time of outing. We had food in a stingy restaurant but had a GREAT movie. We were so that we were totally unaware of our friend that slipped out of the cinema, many apologies again.

It ended in a dramatic way. Had to walk all the way back from faculty is bad enough, and RAINING before we reach the college is just Arrghhhh….. 

I guess that give us a reason to remember this specific day, running on the street under heavy downpour make the whole scene so vividly imprinted in my memory.

The whole journey, rude taxi driver, the water loops around, swamp-like field, dim light of KLCC under dark clouds, the dark and lonely road that filled with our echoes and the moment when we complaint about sweats that start to fall like rain, the sky decided to show us what RAINs are.

I can’t even remember the last time I felt raindrops hitting but now, I do and definitely all the rest.

Sorry for not joining daily dinner session and forgive me for going alone sometimes, I'm just used to it and somehow this is my way of settling something.

But don’t forget me k? I do get the warning….

It is so sweet to see people that cares and loves that start blooming around. We have years ahead to glue out better chemistry and I think we have the right ingredient. ^^

P/S: I had to say I hate KL traffic! MORE….

The time is ticking. Or more precisely, our life is ticking away.

This is an fascinating and creepy idea to begin with. Time is the currency of the world. You have a glowing digital watch countdown your time left on your arm. Watching human arms being ATM and life literally vanish by seconds made me feel uneasy.

It is an dark world, with only flickering candle light. You woke up with less an a day more to live. You had to spend that day working to earn one more day. Price of good keep rising but your salary goes the opposite way. There seem no way to get out of this vicious cycle. Time spent on earning more(or precisely less) time but you need it for survival. I guess no one can discuss the meaning of living when all your strength is used to fight for another breath of air. But despite all love thrives especially among those poor deprived folks.  The only light in eternal darkness.

I couldn't help to relate it to our world. The equation is time=money.

For a few to be immortal, many must die.

Will Salas said: "if one has to die, then no one should be immortal" 

Translated to our language,

For a few to be rich. many must stay poor.

So true. 

Ever heard of the joke that if Bill Gates drop 10 dollars on the floor, he should not pick it up because  it is not worth it. He earns more in those few seconds. Yes, this world is outrageously unfair. Just as there are people with billion years on their arm and clueless on how to spend it, there are people that run out their life because they can't afford an hour ride. Same scene happen here.   

So is there anything wrong with our side? It doesn't sound so wrong when you say for few to be rich, many must stay poor. At least no one die. And those people earn their money with their own efforts legally and some were just unlucky to be born in a famine-stroke country in Africa. But there is problem when people manipulating the system for their own advantage. Just like those people in the movie are pushed into the corner by soaring good prices and ever-rising interest rate. Ever wonder where the money goes?  

In a world that overwrote so many rules, it is intriguing to see people that still uphold Darwinian natural selection theory. So the strong survive proves to be the ultimate theorem. I just feel lucky that we have the chance to be strong, unlike those who are forced into the vicious cycle and never had the chance to reach higher. Opportunity to be educated and climb up the social ladder 

. You might say we face so many unfairness on this land but still we have a fair ground to start and obstacles just mean we have to bounce higher. Train our muscle more so we could be the STRONGEST.

The ending is just too much of a fairy tale.  They did not crunch the system instead became another version of Bonnie and Clyde. Maybe it fits Hollywood romance sentiments more or it simply show that the system is indestructible? Giving money away doesn't solve the problem. Sometimes money need to be in the right hand and those with money in hand need to have the ability to protect themselves as well.

I don't wish for unreachable fantasy like let everyone be rich. But I do have a tiny hope that it could be a bit fairer, just a little.
At least we should have an equal chance to fight for our own good.