Slot

Just realized one thing
Today, or tomorrow to be exact, is the date that we are suppose to present our research at ISAAC Canada.
I guess I already swallowed the fact our university isn't the most generous one when it comes to supporting academic
But I think I need a bit of reminder over here because no one else will remember this
Or will this matter to anyone else

Seeing some of my friends happily sharing their published work
I can only sigh
I guess our work will only surface after two years (?) or more
And I am not even sure whether my name will be on it
Yea a pretty terrible way for me to begin my academician path
But anyway at least I know what will I need in the future (a rich school yes)

Had been holding everything academic behind my head
Reading something light and recreational recently and really unwinding myself
Think I had been having second, third or fourth thoughts
Like me always.
I am just not very sure whether I am fit for it, or if I will like it
You see, I even got bored of typing these questions down
Cause these are the two nails I keep hitting on my own thumb and it hurts
I know very well I should stop asking and just do it
But somehow my self-questioning part of the brain is wayyyy more developed than the action-oriented part
So I am still here with my laptop, listening to mixlist on Youtube and combing my thoughts

Had been talking about houses with my urban planning roommie
Actually recently I developed very high interest on those mansions
Classic white building with a big yard, some trees and sometimes even a fountain or pond
I think maybe I can bear with this
You know, from my ideal countryside cottage to a small mansion, I made a bit of compromise from my side
I mean, without considering the fact that the availability and price of such houses are really beyond my means
Ideal right, one can always dream, especially an idealist like me
So she was doing a test with me.
What would you rather part with?
Do you really need a yard/garden? Will a public park do?
---A park to walk will be wonderful yes, but I would really love a small place to plant something?
Can urban farming plot work?
----Yes, I suppose. Even better if someone can tend the land for me while I only plant and harvest
A swimming pool and garden?
----Erm swimming pool for now, garden for when I have more leisure for gardening?
Condo or landed?
----Seriously I think I am spoilt in terms of space. Closed rooms make me feel depressed, Even our huge room in matriculation that is size of a single room times 4 suffocates me. Big space, connection with real earth matters a lot for my mental well-being I guess. So land is a must. Maybe part of the reason I am in Penang haha.

You see, I never really decorate or personalized a space
Like my little cousin who will put on stickers, photos and whatever signboard
I just never felt belonging to somewhere
Not even my own house, cause it was occupied by furniture two times older than me and the crumbling wooden wall are not exactly best for decoration isnt it
Somehow it felt surreal to have a place I can decide the layout and design
Probably I shouldnt even cultivate longing like this
This is not a healthy pursuit lol. I am not even sure if I will have company to stay in my small little hut with me or not
But thinking about a dream house for one, somewhere out of the city seems a bit depressing
So, maybe I will just continue my appreciation on beautiful classy mansions before I have my own place
and really starting to save
Can't believe I had been working for 9 months and still poor af
_/\_ Let's hope my investments will really bear fruits