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二月 末

Posted by Qi... on 22:37

陷入一種連自己都不敢恭維的多愁善感模式
每一天 每一件事 都覺得 做一次少一次
拿到簽證了
要清空銀行戶口還給阿姨
一切都處於告別式的狀況
好像還要去買感謝卡

現在的每一分每一秒
都很珍惜
或許真的如你說的
我愛這裡的生活 多過我的工作
坐著渡輪 也想到 好像是最後一次了
跟陌生的朋友走過熟悉的街
每分每秒還有新發現
這個小島太神奇

寫了一張清單
在這裡
還有那麼多 沒做 沒去 沒吃
一年 好像不夠啊
是有很多惋惜的


想嘗試的和懷念的



















因為現在 就是最好的時光
幾年後 一切就變了
有的 只是回味舊日時光

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週末 長途跋涉的回家了
(回來的巴士旅途差點讓我抓狂)
很慶幸 有多花一點時間在家
雖然 在家不到一小時
就被媽媽雷到
但是 突然想起
以前媽媽不是這樣的
好像在我外出讀書之前
焦慮都沒有那麼嚴重的
所以 是我給不到媽媽安全感嗎
對不想讓自己快樂的人
我真的很累 很無語
一個徹夜長談 可能讓人
但是腦里的惡魔一日不斬除
快樂永遠住不進來

雖然總是吐槽媽媽
也感激媽媽永遠比我緊張
在我還沒想到整理清單的時候
已經幫我做行李箱的市場調查
在家翻著舊箱子的時候
看到十幾年前小學的紀念冊
沒有媽媽 這些東西應該都消失無蹤了吧
我不會記得 它們存在過

How to pack your life in two suitcase!
買了30公斤的行李
看了幾篇博文
還是沒有頭緒
想帶的 太多太多
能帶的 只是那30公斤
一股腦兒 整理了書櫥
把幾十本不可能再看的書 都抽了出來
希望附近的書軒 願意收留

今天跟媽媽去佛教會
看著頭髮白了 皮膚皺垂的大叔阿姨們
那麼親切
突然想起 啊 我是佛教會長大的孩子啊
十年了 去的次數可以用手指數
但是他們還在
守著這麼一個小小的角落
我 就是一個一起享受最好的時光
就會跳到下個轉角的人
別期待 我守候 耕耘

還在早上小小的空檔
給家人煮了早餐
去愛小 幫忙彩了一下壁畫

總是欣賞有藝術天分的人    

小時候最愛的花之一
總覺得學校操場的雲海特別遼闊 想念那片我們躺著看星星的草地

愛清潔 喜歡這個色調







愛閱讀 我最喜歡的一副 可惜王老師不讓我題字





看著忙著把我“準博士”頭銜介紹給別人的老師
真的很尷尬
就好像我媽一直廣播我要去讀書的資訊一樣
其實 真的 我想要低調 低調 再低調

有人大愛印尼巴迪新衣 忍不住立刻穿


被我訓練的無時無刻都可以配合自拍


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最後的煩惱就是住宿和錢
跟媽媽說好期待可以找到更闊氣的老闆
媽媽說
不可以貪心 求太多·
想想 也是
有人願意負擔學費就很好了
生活費 我賺得來的
也許 還有其他更需要更有資格的人
那我 還是不要亂花十方錢好了
期望 離職順利
我想多一點時間 窩在家
認真做飯 看書

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I will miss you

Posted by Qi... on 22:16

To
The kid that made me laugh till me and my hommie shed tears
And made my hand tremor cause I can't tahan to laugh
Kid that ask me to add cement to cuts
Auntie that keep one whole bag of mint for me to cook
Uncle that always remind me of my grandfather
I just don't know how to tell them I'm leaving
It's not because it will devastate them, but me.
I can't bear to say those words.
Bye, I wont see you again.

The closer it gets to March
The more I realize what I will miss in the future
Every laughter filled dinner with hommie make me feel like we had one less dinner together
Every experience is a minus one
But at least everything is good
Too good till I feel wrong

I have so many unsaid goodbye
So many things to do, places to go, food to try (trying to make a list now)
Every tourist experience in this little island make me fall in love with it all over again
Again and again

It's a good thing I guess
Meaning I had been doing it right
Making me feeling happy and comfortable with this place
Kinda proud about myself being a decent tour guide here
And last month here, thanks to grab and uber,
I'm gonna explore more ✌✌✌
Create more good memories before me and this place and these beautiful souls beside me changes


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Life without anchor

Posted by Qi... on 18:41

連續兩周跟不同時期的朋友聚會
真的感覺到
跟預科班時 和大學時的自己
不一樣了

因為是臨行前的節奏吧
感覺就是有很多的聚會
很慶幸 身邊有這群朋友
想要一起廢
很舒服的在一起想幹嘛就幹嘛
在床上做毛毛蟲 一起刷手機
都很自在的人

真的有年紀了
心態不同
打卡什麼的 就算了
刺激的活動 也是體驗一下就好
想要的是
在陌生的城市 和你一起悠然散步騎車的人
在熟悉的城市 陪妳一起亂闖 尋找小驚喜的人

今天學了一個新的子
serendipity 一直以為 是 serenity衍生出來的詞
原來是法文
開始很喜歡一些法文詞彙
就好像姐姐叫我的 c’est
簡單的一個字 那個意境 就是很多字堆砌起來 還是感覺詞不達意
就是這樣隨性
因為有折扣 所以亂走了整條街
因為店面很吸引 就進去試了新事物 做了一早上
沒負擔 沒多慮 就這樣感受當下
感覺很好

尤其是 最近又上了很多無常的課
人生就是最出乎意料的連續劇
意外 總是在預想不到的情況發生
身邊的人 不會永遠都在
很慶幸 自己選擇了另外一條路
多喜歡這個地方都好
我覺得 愛流浪自造孽的個性太強
人生就是不斷在一站 找著下一個漂泊點
Life without anchor
不是現況不好 只是想嘗試其他可能
是太好命 太幸運吧
所以不惜福
不過 要流浪也要有流浪的本錢

所以 很認真的在考慮
我的第二興趣
今天逛了市集
有好多啟發 有很多想做的嘗試
可惜 我不在了
市集攤販這件事 我是一定要嘗試的
小文藝 小清新 小綠葉
都讓我超興奮的
也許 在澳洲也可以 呵呵

嗯 最近很開心 很悠閒
都好得讓我有點不敢置信
不過就這樣 且行且珍惜
快樂過當下
好好過完我在檳城 和馬來西亞最後的日子吧


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Count down

Posted by Qi... on 21:53

Things had just gotten real
Finally received my offer letter,
bought insurance with half of my savings (god damn poor now)
looking for rooms and even searching for schools for my lil cousin
Had another Skype meeting with my supervisorssss yesterday
Really love how warm and considerate they are
They are worried about my accommodation, social support and financial everything  
Like I really have mamas around....but my real mama doesn't seem too concerned lol

Counting down 2 months and it will be a whole new life
Full of uncertainties and challenges
I am definitely having cold feet
Especially after facing a bit of setback on my proposal
But.....the biggest challenge now is still resignation haha

Now that I am on track
I have more worries (but definitely lighter burden)
About money especially
Aussie is just such a money eating country every bite took a huge chunk of my already meager savings
Guess I am lucky in a sense I never had to worry about fees or living cost
And I never really work much, or work too hard
So the idea of me being out there having to earn my own living is kinda scary
I need a money rain
Or more realistically a better scholarship

And I haven't even mention about all those academic hurdles
I don't even remember the brain anatomy and I don't know if looking back at 1st year textbook now will help
and even with all these anxiety I am not studying
I insist chill after work is a must
But I had been spending the last 3 hours on forms and emails
And my mess in the office are still in a mess
So I dont really know what I am doing, as always

Anyway there is a small tinge of luck
Manage to find mates that are gonna start their semester together with meAnd she sounded nice
I felt much more secured with someone who knows the way bringing me around
Might not be as adventurous but definitely much more easier

So CNY is the best time to spread gossips
Especially when my mum volunteer all the news >.<
NOW EVERYBODY KNOWS
I was trying to be low profile you see
And now it feels like I am doing broadcast to everyone I know
I gets fidgety when people ask me too many detailsWell the fact is I don't know too
As usual uncle aunties like to know about my plan
The honest truth is I don't have one
But stop persuading me to stay over there
I think I still prefer Asian land and the fooooooooooooooood
But who knows
Aussie is Asian enough for me to get all the food I need
But offer that kind of leisure public space and greenery I always long for

Anyway
I am counting down for everything
Had to control my urge to buy flight ticket (First one way ticket in my life)
cause I haven't got my visa done yet
But I am definitely getting more melancholic
When my parents tell me maybe they gonna celebrate CNY at KFC next year
When my housemate says he wanted to cook us something nice but I won't be around anymore
When I know I will miss my best friend's wedding dinner
When I am counting down to my last time meeting my friends
When I am counting down on the days I am staying at the hospital
It is like every sparkling things over here gonna come to an end
I guess that is a sign for me to create new things over there
And hell yes I am gonna keep my gems here too <3

It is not too far but still a wide ocean apart
8 hours flight + 4 hour bus trip away from my sweet home
I am officially excited and terrified
Just like my long night talk with my little cousin
I think I need to take in my own advice
Step by step
You can do this. Just do it. Don't overthink.
And move your ass.

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