7 hours to Penang

Ok I need a deep breath
I think this weekend is a little too exhausting for me, my distachment from my mobile data is killing me and maybe long bus trip too suitable to think about life that it always bring me to the brink of crying

Maybe I have a long to do list and I felt stressed
More cover letter and CVs
More emails to people I am afraid to talk to
More reading is needed
And I need to settle everything at work---from the messy desktop to the files and reports and handouts

I guess I just feel lost
Like any other soul down to their last hundreds at the age of 25
I had been thinking a lot about what I am doing with my life
Not only financially, though that's a big big concern
But basically everything
Professionally and to my patients
My promised toward myself and my never starting project
And my super vague future
Giving up everything and going into a life where I can only support myself with part time jobs I have yet to find stressed me up
Not to mention my guilt toward my parents
Every random remarks they throw are like tear jerker I kid you not

Some might feel like I'm being reckless and irresponsible
Those that knows research and study isn't all that glamorous after all
But I really need this so so much
Cause I failed so hard at what I do now
Or what I'm not doing instead
And I need a way out
A place that makes me repeat what I am doing everyday is not good for me
That, I know for sure
One day I might be thankful to that lady for treating me so bad cause she makes me courageous enough to take the leap
Cause I just need a switch of path

Sometimes I wonder what do I seek in life
Because at times I am happy with whatever meager things I hold in hands
But sometimes those burst of jealousy from comparisons with peers push me down the cliff
But money hunt is definitely not for me
I just need to learn how to get myself motivated enough to earn enough to support myself
And not dream about mansion or lakeside hut or dreamy tree houses

......I need to take that trip to Toowoomba
I am not sure if I have that much time to waste

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Previous trips and my one weekend in KL & Seremban heighten my love toward Penang so so much
Everything is so easy and breezy in Penang (at least from where I live) other places seem so unbearable
PS. The frequency of me getting on nonfunctional escalator in KL is too appalling

I felt a tinge of sadness meeting my very old friends
I don't know
I felt a huge world apart
I am always weird and different
With those random buzzes in my head and my unworldly view
I can only observe with wonders looking at my friends achieving milestones in life and discussing about things I might never be interested to talk about
I think I need to feel glad about this
Having friends who are so grounded make me realized how drifty I am
Like everyone has their own pathway to follow but I'm making circles all around
And one day when I finally realize I should move forward everyone is miles ahead of me
Maybe I am already feeling the gap
But I can't give up on this
I feel like there is more to it
I don't know who is really living the berth of life
Moving forward in phases of life.... being homeowner and wife and mother
Or going for adventures I don't even know the destination

Maybe I'm just a lost kid unwilling to be found