逃避 一直是我的專長吧

什麼時候開始

扮聽不到

藉口越編越順口

轉身 躲

表情越來越茫然

愧疚感 還有嗎?

我不會

不會解心結

不會細心聆聽

不會軟言安慰

不能給你解決方案

沒有善解人意

沒有耐心

最多可以給你抱抱一下

不敢聽 不想聽

聽不到  比開口問 還好嗎       容易

聽了 收下了人家的垃圾 就要負責倒     不是嗎

我會繼續把視線集中在其他地方

直到氣球越來越大 填滿整個房間

把我貼到墻上   爆炸

不過 氣球通常都會漏氣的吧

對吧 對吧

情緒也是風這樣吹一吹就過了

你就這樣

等下場狠狠的大雨  打散愁雲  就好了吧

不要再往氣球內加氣了

負數 不管乘什麼  都是Negative   只會有更多Negative

人不是很自私嗎

亂世中  總是希望有人站出來

但是 如果這個挺身而出的人 是你珍惜的人

你會按著他 告訴他 危險 不要

這事 不需要你做  會有人去做

會死的 你就讓別人去死吧

眼前堆满尸体 无所谓  

不是你 就好了

Never knew voice is such an important thing for us
I mean, yea I know voice represents one's identity blah blah
I did memorize all the points but this moments is when I really think
Seriously, this voice is affecting my quality of life
This is not the first time I received comments from supervisor about my voice
About how I am so soft, monotone, my session is boring and unlively
and a big part of it, is because of my voice.

But today, she tell me
"I think this can be improved"
I felt turned down cause I was actually hoping for her to write me a referral letter for another scope
But thinking from another side,
I like how she refuse to let me label myself as disordered
and demand more effort from me

Yes, you can.
Just put in more effort and bea good patient this time kay
Be your own therapist and cure yourself

Looking forward for another #AchievementUnlocked

Had earlier and earlier sleeping time lol
Feeling sleepy at 9pm >.<

Today wasnt a very good day
You know sometimes when you fall into a self-depreciation mode
It is so hard for you to climb out of it
Am trying very hard to shake off all the bad images and come out with a satisfying performance
So ya lets catch all these bad thoughts and keep it in a bag first
Let's focus on getting the things right
Now you have got free tutorial with such a nice SV and so many patients
So just keep learning. Keep practicing.
Just keep going until you get out of this hell

Part of the reason I love this profession is because of the abundance of story
So today we are fed with more stories
Happy stories and sad one of course
This is a simple equation of X+Y=Z
Efforts from professionals plus efforts from parents
To get a good outcome, you need contribution from both side

There are so many times when you think you can do more

Yes maybe that is true

But never, never think that you can do it all

You need help, you need cooperation from others

And that is how we all survive in this hard hard world despite our very limited ability

So don't take up all the burden but remember to contribute your part as well

The only thing you can promise yourself is do your part till the best

That is all you can do and trust yourself, it is good enough

Can't believe it had been one week
Me with this routine of walking up before 7am, cycle, walk
A lot more cycling just for a meal after work lol

Guess I'm getting used to this routine
4 patients in a day doesnt stress me out anymore
Well my clinical skills still sucks
Sometimes I still hope she will just scold me instead of this nice encouraging discussion lol
I can imagine how my SV at KASP will grill me with my performance like this seriously

But well, I am surviving and this point alone is good enough
Getting into the rhythm and am more enthusiastic to learn more
Hearing impairment, Down Syndrome, feeding semua mari-mari
My learning mode finally switched on
Though my lagging mode also simultaneously on after I felt less stressed now

With more and more people joining this internship army,
Guess it will be more fun for us haha
Jump sea also need company ma lol
Let's hug tight and swim together

With the official announcement of student-supervisor allocation, THESIS is finally here. 

*dramatically gasp for air

Some say The Happiness End Since It Started

I can see from seniors 4^th year is gonna be a gruesome year

We all know but guess I will never be prepared enough for it

Lucky I settled down with the supervisor of my choice

There was all this chaotic discussion that I almost got taken away

So glad that I fought and insist

Was so touched when she choose to respect my choice and back me up

So when we have a huge group(10 out of 13 students) working on the big project of developing our very own language test

I chose to stay with my first choice, conduct my research on AAC alone

Even though I was sought after because I am “mandarin-proficient”

Even though I think this project is gonna be huge and influential and the test are probably gonna be used throughout the nation in the coming years

Maybe you will have your name on the test, have the paper published somewhere

I stick with my choice

No I am not gonna be an assessment machine for one whole year

And definitely a big no to group work (I had enough of this!)

So yeah, I just had to be damn good to make this worth

To show them, I made the right choice.

I had to say, I am little excited to start with this

Not to impress anyone but I am secretly looking forward to this project and her emails

Research actually thrills me more, the process of searching answer for a question of interest

Lol hope I wont regret saying this in the near future

Fighting my dearssss!

It is gonna be a hard one but we will get through it, together

旅行的伴 很重要

終於明白，為什麼找好旅伴那麼難

當他開心地看著我們說

我們line蠻對的，適合下次再一起去旅行

我 有少少的遲疑

是有80-90%對了，可是那不合的10%

我們把自己的風格建立的越鮮明 對自身喜好越了解

多了許多凹凹凸凸的部分 要求就越來越多

容人的部分就越來越小

要愛走路 不愛shopping

如果一心要找到100分的match 還是走solo路線好了

這次的出遊

只能說 期待少 反而有驚喜

其實 在一開始 談到很挫敗的時候

我的建議 想去的地方 全部被ban的時候

從不悅 抗拒 到放飛機 這些念頭在腦海里轉了N次

最後決定妥協讓步時

沒有想到會玩得開不開心

吸一口氣 放下一定要去哪裡的執著 要玩樂的念頭

三年來 第一次跟系友出遊

就算了 去散步 去吃 去遊車河 什麼都好

就這麼一次 依他們吧

臨行那一天 咩咩臨時受傷撤隊

收拾房間到凌晨6am時

真的想應了大家的預言 讓飛機起飛

不過 準時在8.29am起身 所以還是拖了行李下去

行程 意外的精彩

感恩大家 在我發完脾氣后 很認真的去google lol

才讓我們的體驗之旅順利成行

很隨性的 停在霹靂洞

更隨性的 決定爬到山頂

好多年沒來了 沒想到山頂居然死鬼高

我的肺活量真的沒有很好 登山的需氧量有點超乎我的能力啊

不過還是要慶祝 #AchievementUnlocked1

重點是 喘到半死 山頂風景就是石灰厂和房子

連亭子也建得簡陋過人

Seriously 我想建議他們找個建築師設計師來重新規劃下

始終是我們霹靂的旅遊景點

那個 這種山洞的亭子 怎樣都要顯示一下文化氣息吧

最後還很敲鐘求籤

就算路途多黑暗，終點是光明的

求到這種籤，是該慶幸有美好未來在等待還是為更近的艱辛日子

很徹底的迷路到吉打邊境后

終於到了高淵 看了螢火蟲

看到漆黑的夜中 如閃耀的如聖誕樹的小生命

把小小的螢火蟲 捧在手中 隨著一閃一閃的節奏許願 放飛

生命就是有這種時刻 讓你對大自然完全驚歎

讓你想盡力縮小自己 純粹的欣賞 小心別驚動它們

還有Bonus track，聽了叔叔很棒的講解

螢火蟲從一年的孵化過程 到幾天的交配期的過程

還有解說圖和Video輔助說明 lolol

太富教育性了 適合小學生旅行團啊

下次還要去！！我要去漁場和看八爪魚！

#AchievementUnlocked2 Find a place without GPS!

然後到了Teluk Bahang 的國家公園

終於 可以正式的explore一個國家公園了

到現在還是很訝異 檳城有這麼綠這麼自然的一面

嚴重覺得 Waze帶我們走了一條很遠的路

不過有幸看到Teluk Bahang的水壩 真的~~~~~太美了！

嚴重宇宙後悔沒有停車拍照！ #AchievementUnlocked3

在 Escape 当了一个上午的猴子泰山

在升旗山 第一次看这槟城的夜景 发呆

夜间的扑克牌吐心游戏電影小吃榴蓮夜

很多第一次  四个宝宝很多的微笑大笑狂笑

旅途都很愉快

旅伴也很可爱

可以一起random

Always say yes的伴 也不好找

我想 以後自己在車上準備乾糧

那個 酒店找近一點的 應該就還好了

但是 小火山還是爆發了

第一次 餓到覺得 我會暈倒 胃好痛

五點了 爬完山 午餐還沒吃

這些豬頭還是堅持要先回酒店沖涼！

到現在我還是想罵人！神經的！

好不容易捱了一小時的車程 回到酒店

我做的第一件事 就是自己先衝出去找吃

不过想說 整個旅程

最有游客感的 就是那20分鐘

自己在小巷隨意漫遊

看到很老很老但很漂亮的店

漂亮的门雕 牌匾 柱子 很有历史感的店屋

佇立豆干店外偷窺老闆娘製作豆干

嘗試背誦老店招牌上的詩句

那種 好奇寶寶mode被啟動

每個感官都被開啟

還吃到很好吃的便宜小吃

就是我想要的 漫游

/告訴自己 有一天我要回來

一個人 一步一腳印 畫出屬於自己的小巷地圖/

一起出游 是第一次

可能是唯一一次

可能是最後第二次

只想好好珍惜这段缘分

最后的一年  就愉快的画一个大大的 远远的 句号吧

今天是亲爱的老妈的生日
早上打了通祝福電話
問媽媽有什麼生日願望
她說，希望你實習順利 天天開心
我語塞了
怎麼 不留一點給自己

自認 沒有那麼大愛
把自己的願望許給別人
能做的 只有把自己做好
讓你的 我的 願望成真

可是 今天的我
好像沒有做到這點
當那個小孩哭了整整一個小時
駕了了兩小時的車 坐在醫院苦等一小時的媽媽
責怪孩子怎麼那麼不聽話的時候
真的 真的 想說
對不起 媽媽 對不起

最近越來越覺得名句精華真的是
智慧結晶
簡單的幾粒字
道理卻比鐵還硬

最近一直覺得
“天下無易事，都需功夫磨”
因為我太懶惰
逃避一切細節
偏偏沒有一件事 不需要細節
尤其想做得好的話

但是我微弱的藉口
在“天下無難事，只怕有心人”
這百年的名句前
突然變得微不足道 不堪一擊
不難 真的不難
很多時候 真的只是To be or not to be

只是 那個 我的心 好像不小心掉在哪裡了
拖著沒有心的軀殼努力
有點吃力
扮演了這個角色這麼久
還不入戲
真的 太沒有演藝天分了

面具帶得太久 會忘了自己本來的真面目
我現在 也不是很清楚 我有在帶著面具嗎

Missed my blog
Just the second day of internship and Im too tired to talk

The ill-prepared sessions.
New cases that you googled the night before and went inside with blank mind
The unsaid apologies to those parents and patients who waited so long and travelled so far
The discussions I am too tired to absorb
There are so many things for me to learn but I have no capacity for it
Felt so unready
But this is the life for coming like, 20 years?
But just half the workload

So I'm marching into fourth year
But I still can't form animal-like animal sounds,
sing nice nursery rhymes and take toys away from kids.
And I don't feel like doing it everyday
Maybe I am lacking of creativity
But being a therapist like this, drains away my energy so much
That I don't even feel like talking for the rest of the day

Sometimes I feel
One only have so much energy
But if you have to be the energy-emitting therapists,
no you don't have much left for yourself.
Maybe I just need to give myself more time
To increase my threshold to get through all these
Maybe I am not good enough
Thats why I dont have the satisfaction to fuel me

Maybe I should feel grateful
Being in a hospital with nice SV nice senior nice staff nurse
Good resources Many patients Many variety

Ok finish rambling time to prepare for tomorrow again
Maybe I am too comfortable in lazy student mode to switch to working life
How do one stay energetic from 8am-5pm
I really understand why kindergarten teachers and even teachers only work half day

Well, it is not like I didn't enjoy the internship
It was exciting, I had lots of hands-one experiences
Explored many case types from adult to child in just two days
Yes I do have moments of joy and satisfactions though the sessions were never good enough
Just need to repeat with myself you need more time more effort to get into the tempo
Then you will be fine.
We will all be fine.
Yes you will.

If you walk now, you will have to run, run very hard later