Cause reading a book reminded me of everything I wanted to be but I'm not
Tonnes of things I wanted to do but never start on it
Now my daily routine after work is scroll phone, sleep, cook and continue to scroll phone, maybe reading a bit, then sleep
As simple as that but I didn't want anything more
Even going out doesn't seem as attractive as before
Food hunting is not my thing anymore but more of social meetings
So I had to say sorry to my enthusiastic to explore roommate
I'm still brewing the mood for #penangtourist episodes
Volunteering movies food hunting arts show suddenly stop to be a valid reason to occupy my weekends
Grandma's giamtubak triumph over everything else lol
But yea, a cosy Sunday with good wifi good food and people who care about you feel so good I'm addicted

Comfortable and predictable is good
But unmotivated and mundane is bad
Seeing young kids fighting hard for their life makes me wanna put my bones together and push myself
I'm over adaptation period
I still get nervous over sessions but everything is copable so far
So it's just me and my unsettled confusion
Maybe I should really try to follow the step by step guideline in the book
Stop trying to direct other people about their life
But take my plunge
Know yourself better and set your path

Because, you can never save enough
And you can never stop giving urself excuses
So don't push yourself back anymore.
It's yes or no. Now or never.

Remember The Alchemist?
You traveled through mountains and deserts only to find out the treasure is in your own yard
But without that journey,
You wouldn't discover the gems after all
Is it worth the journey?
Or maybe you can sit on your couch and discover the treasure by accident without the hassle?

We don't know.
We will never know.
There is no chance for us to Take 2, no chance to experiment What If and no alternatives.
It is literally now or never.

So when you are in a decent and satisfying environment
Should you comfort yourself to count your blessings
Or follow your restless heart to explore the unknown

I'm not sure whether this is quarter life crisis or it's just me overthinking as usual
But recently I had been thinking a lot
After I sell 8/24 hours (or more) to work
What's left for myself?
It's like I have so many to do but so little time,
and so little skills.

I'm only 23. I shouldn't rush
But I am already 23.
I should have more in my bag.

看到金阁寺的真身
真的压抑不住的兴奋
想起小时候很爱的一休和尚
多少逗趣可爱的斗智场合
都是在这片湖畔的草地发生
真的 感觉童年太遥远了

话说远了
其实只是要控制自己不要太随性 

在别人充满意境的照片下尖叫

才来这里小小声的喊一下

我要去日本
我要去看金阁寺 喝抹茶 吃拉面

是巧合嗎？
每次腦里有著一個問題的時候
總是會在你口中 聽到同一個問題

你問我
有自信嗎
你覺得呢？
因為年齡的關係 我一直比你早一步
跟你聊著你面對的問題時 總顯得很沉著 很自信
所以你很難相信 我就是你說的 那種因為缺乏自信很吃虧的人

想起那個看穿我有多自卑的人
再想起很多比我还看得起自己的人
還有最近自己買的經驗
真心觉得
社會上很多時候
對不對 懂不懂 不重要
更重要的是 懂得說出來 說得讓人信服

Consciously Competent vs Unconsciously Incompetent
二選一很容易
可是知識技術真的不到位的時候
有自覺程度不足 但是還是繼續打腫臉皮充胖子
那是什麼？
Consciously Incompetent……至少是覺悟的開始

謝謝很吵的你們
讓我把不想說的話說出來
然後再好好的看 自己現在的處境
雖然跟期待中的有距離
其實 還不差

原來 只要心態一轉
真的世界都會不一樣
呼吸都比較順暢

十二月 聖誕月
假期很多的一個月
就這樣慢慢倒數 很快 很快就會好的

偷了這張照片

因為此刻需要很多鼓勵

真的有很多的不安

在工作上碰了不少釘 讓我切實的懷疑自己的能力

可能這是菜鳥成長的一部分

就算了

但是 

在身邊的舵手圍繞下 覺得自己脆弱得保護自己的能力都沒有

感覺半推半就 走著別人安排好的路

當上了替死鬼

雖然好像是自己一開始也同意的路

可是 感覺就是有一點不對

感覺人生的其他可能 很遙遠

感覺 這條路 走不到我理想的停泊點

最近累積了很多不能說

不能說 不能討論

讓我很難逃出自己的觀點

真的去分析 定奪

這一刻

需要的是出走的勇氣

還是接受挑戰的勇氣

七年

有時候 明知道答案的事情

為什麼要那麼倔強的試

是想當勵志教材 證明只要我想做就可以

還是真的只是我太笨 不會分輕重

One monthsary.
Phew. Time really flies.
Moved into a new house and settled down---yay independence and running away from nightmare
Bid farewell to my dearest senior colleague with a random food trip.
Did my first book shopping
Finally repaired my laptop (regain a big part of my life lol)
Life seems to be on track, though sometimes I still wish I am at KL
But yeah, all is well

My dear roommate told me to celebrate every milestone.
But to be honest, I don't feel the need
Yes, there are little steps but nothing big to shout
Life is fair, not good yet
I have plans but it is all still plans
So I have excuses.
Wait till my laptop come back. Wait till I have car. Wait.
But maybe I am just letting the time flow.

I can't even complete my 7 weeks chart.
But one thing to celebrate, I had been keeping my room fairly organized
Thanks to my nanny naggy mummy cleaner roommate
Also I had been having really regular life ever since I started work
But I am still trying to find the feeling, like this is home, this is passion
Like simply, I need fire.
Just light me on

This is all for you.
Can you imagine the pressure I bear because of this line?
I don't know.
I am not sure whether this is a selfish act or altruistic one, it might be both
But I feel really terrible about this
I am not the one for you
I want to suck up everything and left when you think I am good enough
In the end, maybe I am the selfish one
We will see, if I am the soft-hearted one or the selfish one.