https://www.16personalities.com/infp-personality

Apparently like how everyone around me realized,
I am a little free at work
So I went and do a personality--probably not the first time but I think the result is a little different
This is just so toooo totally me

Sorry I am a little self-obsessed recently
Thinking a lot about future, my current pursuit or simply some random philosophical questions
So yeah 8 full pages of analysis seems just right for me

I am always an idealist, in every test I did and as far as I am aware of
Sometimes I think profile like this, spelling things right in my face makes me more aware of things going on
I think I am in the hermit mode as described in the webpage
Definitely will take some time before I complete my meditation program
But at least this makes me a little more conscious of it
And try not to dig my hole too deep because I am not sure whether there will be someone trying to pull me back to human world or not

Hopefully this is part of my hormone cycle,
So I had been very reserved and contemplative
Adopting a total introverted lifestyle---always choosing alone time over other activities
It actually feels good to get close to my old books again
and gets back to the old routine of thinking what I really want in life
(The questioning never ends!)
Like I gets to revisit myself (which is totally weird cause I stay in my body with my mind attached in my head all the time)
But yeah, just feeling more of myself and listening more to my head recently
I hope I am not developing schizophrenia or split personality disorder

But yeah, there are always ups and downs
My close friends will know despite my very social and talkative nature
There are times...actually quite a lot of time when I prefer to sit at a corner and just be with myself
Past two weeks had been times like that
I am being really comfortable and at peace
But I think I caused a bit of unease among people around me, which obviously felt the dramatic change in my behavior
But I am not bothered, I am not bothered to explain or to please them
Which is some really bad attitude--I don't think it is healthy for long term co habitual relationship
Which leads to my worst weakness----I just go ahead and do the wrong thing even though I knew it is the wrong path

Anyway, this somehow motivates me a little haha
Like I am this creative talented idealist with lots to offer
Hopefully I am

一年了

太不知不覺

刚刚翻着舊照片才突然發現

就是五月二十九

其實刚打了一堆依默文

因為真的哭得不行

凡是有你的舊照片

還是像這樣讓我想起你的日子

總是讓我變成喷水大瀑布

不過不小心 没存档就退出了

現在 情绪平复一點但還是選擇继续自虐

记性很好

记得左边這辆十五年前轉手的PR 3860

记得右边这棵十年前被推到很甜芒果树

记得這辆你骑了二十年的摩托

骑着它去喝茶 買菜 買咖啡

摔了一次 两次 三次 

就算腿断了 三個月後還是继续骑着它出門

直到你真的不再逞强 把钥匙给我

開始 偶尔走路去買菜

有時我真的觉得 我记得太多了

想你

虽然逐渐習惯 有点空的客廳

知道不會有人念我該怎麽切葱 擦桌子 

要多吃肉 要早點睡

發現我凌晨還在看戲會打小報告

真的 我觉得我應付得還好

不再有那種失措的空虚

只是偶尔抽起那段段回憶的時候

才有這樣的隐隐作痛

偶尔會希望你在

想讓你看看

想聽你說故事 说道理

想做的很多 所以遗憾也很多

口里會說 人生无常 生死有命

九十九 健康平安 已经是蒙老天厚待了

但是 總是很自私的想要多一點

想回去那一刻

我只會說一句福州話"吃饭" 每天喊你吃饭的時候

你叫我起床 上学前煮一包金旦面给我的时候

我出门讀書前 偷偷塞钱给我的时候

我開始偷懒 不再帮你拿药涂伤口的時候

我對着电脑 跟你坐在同一個客廳 却不說一句話的時候

你最後一次跌段腿 坐在房間里萎靡虚弱的時候

幹 又開始飙泪 不数了

只希望

摆脱了老弱的身躯的你

會過得更好

一生都不欠人的你 應該可以投個好胎吧

晚安

好像隐约可以聽到你罵我

几點了 還不睡

晚安

So today was a little bit better than the worst imagined scenario
Bur almost there LOL
At least kid no.1 didn't throw unmanageable tantrum
Kids no.2 is too adorable and very talkative
Kids no. 3 finally whisper after being mute and signing for one month
(Daddy say he went to the same kindy for 2 years before he is willing to speak to his friends, maybe this should make me feel better?)
But I missed him talking to me about planes and legos
I need closure on this one lol.
BOY, WHY YOU NO TALK TO MEEEEEEEE
Usually kids like me kay. I am this nice jiejie that gives them lots of toys.
You will miss me and regret didn't treat me better h'ngggggg

Worst bomb of the day is me being ffk and ffk people in turn
I actually prepared---although under-prepared but still with something in my bag
When I say I am leaving, although I felt that little relief of no need to embarrass myself
BUTTTTTT I wasn't really thinking thoroughly at the moment
Cause I didn't expect there will be such a mess in the end
But when I got home all sweaty and lying on the floor
I just don't feel like going back again
Sorry auntie and sorry to my wasted hours

Unexpectedly, this is an alone weekend
I think I am the only one in the house
Feeling a little unease knowing there is no one else in this 12 bedroom mansion
But I am enjoying the serenity I guess
Did a little food hunting (and walk for few km >.<)
Finally had the line to stream my favorite JFK
And some time to squander.....which I totally shouldn't be

Setting some high goals for the weekend
Let's see if I can complete them lol

Sometimes I feel the universe is helping me
Like the event I wanted to go but didn't have time to will switch to another better date
Sometimes I feel like the world is against me
Because when I needed help the most I don't have anyone around me
But most of the time I feel like I am not helping myself

I am feeling a bit nervous
Because tomorrow is the day me being abandoned by universe
And I am too shy to ask for help
This whole preparation thing is making me a little bit tense
I haven't been trying so many new things at one go
Things that are way out of my comfort zone
And as usual, I feel nervous being underprepared
Which, considering I am given more than enough time,
It is still a wonder why I am burning midnight oil to do this the night before
So typical me

But anyway
Hoping everything will turn out okay tomorrow
And I will be able to complete my to do list for the week lol
Works for 7 days cramped in 1.5 days
As usual again

Ok girl, now you just need to breath
Get everything ready
Sleep and go rip that boy's mouth open and make bunch of old people sing tomorrow
You can do this

I am weird

Sometimes I purposely made decision I know I will regret after this

Just to make myself feel the remorse lol

Ya this is my self-harming routine

So I am making a big bet

Be t that things will work its way out even though I slack like a snake

This is really the time for me to pick myself up

To complete my proposal, undone project

To do my reading, writing

To get a routine and stick to it

To be a better me

Before I rot on my bed lol