My all time choice to spend my book voucher.

Finally gave them away, 2 days before it expire.

Plan not to buy books de,

but Popular don't let me use book voucher for laminating machine,

so this is what I get instead

Actually the choice are quite limited,

and I plan to go MPH@Mid Valley to grab some Chinese book

but unexpectedly, I OVERBUDGET again,

but this time I'm not even looking at the FICTION section >.<

and I make a hard but rational decision to put Blink back, 

still......over RM200,

Book Xcess is not that cheap after all

But due to recent interest in neuropsych etc,

grab lots of books about this

and some name begin to have irresistible effect on me,

e.g. Malcolm Gladwell, the author of Blink, hehe, I get another of his collection

and Amy Tan, fall for her after listening to her TED talk

and another Paul Coelho >.< I haven't read the one I bought last year

But I think it is also because of these

Cutie little books for my little kids.....future little kids

am acting more like anticipating parents, buying toys and books for them

as if I know what they will be like and their preference :p

I get four, but all with secret weapon, 

one with magnet, one with car track, another one with 3D pirate ship!

Yay! Why books are so exciting for kids nowadays?

Satisfied with my loots today :D

But aint gonna touch them soon,

lecture notes come first,

Be a nice kid and stay still kay? :)

And, finally my member card!

Revisit after a year

Looking forward for a book fantasy in the holiday :)

Finally the debate session ends.

Get rid of this mess, at last

Phew, conducting a debate session for these people with zero experience in debate is mentally exhausting

Luckily I have a bunch of talented, smart classmates that are well-trained in presenting :p

This just makes things easier

I keep wondering, how should I modify the format to make it simpler

and how to let them understand the whole flow

not to mention asking them to stand at the podium and present their arguments

Thank God I did a rehearsal, hehe

That's why things go so smooth today

Proud of you all guys :)

I was actually little worried.

Cause it seems like I'm the one pushing all the way

and seeing some group haven't prepare much on the day before

kinda freaks me out

But I just love how they surprise me in many ways

Or did I underestimate them >.< I'm sorry if I did

And I even spot some ready talent for our dying Debate Club! Yay!

And I really like the intellectual discourse that's going on

although its still more on reading script,

quoting research XX,1990 blah blah

but that was informative

Everything we talked about is soft knowledge

but its something we don't touch unless we are forced :p

Then you'll see there is a huge range of research going on everywhere about basically everything

So we talked about innateness of stereotype and prejudice

and second one about gender difference in reasoning abilities

Still can't get why I suggest this in the first place and why they voted these 2 in

But very basic Nature vs. Nurture debate

Our lecturer was curious about the stereotype motion and wonder if it is related to the election

Haha, honest answer is yes.

I'm kinda surprise she saw through it,

I actually searched about Racism(After Najib ask what we want kan)

and found this whole bunch of studies on how racism is pre-wired

We human show fear( know by testing activity in amygdala) when there are other races

I think it is something natural and sort of biological instinct,

you stick with your own group, be it race, gender etc

for protection and support

We do have prejudice, innately, 

and unconsciously as many would regard themselves as color blind in terms of race

But there are this thing called Implicit Bias, which is proven under the Implicit study @ Harvard

Try out the test yourself! :)

Some recommended reading: 

Nature: How our brain view race

Human Brain Made Unconscious decision based on ethnicity

I like how one scholar concluded, 

this finding did not justify nor tell us racism is deeply-rooted that its immovable

but make us clear about the pathway,

and how it could be changed or reversed

and study have shown awareness training with the Implicit Study could reduce the bias

So the point is we must have awareness,

with this awareness we can consciously counter the effect of the innateness

and make a rational, fair and just decision

That's all about neuroscience :P

Just so glad that there is no long pause, stuttering, ran off the stage scene that I dreaded :p 

Sorry my imagination kinda strong

and we have a lively debate as everyone is so actively involved

and one full with laughter XP

But toward the end, 

it makes me think a lot

and such a coincidence, I saw this status post from a friend

When you are open and receptive, you get hundreds of ideas. When you close yourselves to yourselves, you only get your own little idea. We all are just small dots in the ecosystem, not center of the universe. Be open-minded and let go your ego is the winning factor!

I kept thinking did I did too much of the thinking and talking

As if I'm feeding them

and I think this is an act of disrespect

as if others can't think of something

and limit the discussion as well

because I'm so convinced and satisfied by the points that

I only wanted them to deliver the things I thought was brilliant

It could have been a debate with richer matter,

Sad case

Another thing I saw is one haunting question since long ago

What went wrong between the bridge?

The speaker thought they mentioned A&B

thought they explained it well

but for the audience they might just get A,

and they don't even understand about it.

This BREAKDOWN is serious

This is all about the way of delivery, how to make it understandable to people

which I have big difficulties in.

Few years back I might have my arm on waist 

and shout: "I did mention that! If you don't get that please listen carefully, or clear your ear wax"

but isn't debate about delivering message to people, persuade them?

If the audiences get nothing, means you say nothing.

I'm still working on it,

to make A sound like A and interpreted as A.

Huhh, communication is lifelong work man~~~

I'm still working on how to suppress the ego me

and stop my words from popping out before a mindful consideration

but things just get so smooth when I'm high lol

That's when I started to throw crap

But still very glad to see my classmates trying this out.

Hehe, there is much more fun here :p

I'm luring them to come to debate training

Merit awaits!!! Hehe

But no more at class, please!

Just too ironic.

You always feel sleepy and your eyelid close involuntarily when its time to study

But on relaxing night like this,

You just don't feel like sleeping, AT ALL

Maybe I'm little high,

for me, 

Today mark the end of my second year,

at least the studying part.

Yes, I'm ignoring my English presentation and final clinic evaluation

Whatever, the curtain is closing.

No more quiz,

No more presentation(1 left)

No more assignments(2 left),

No more lectures(but self-study :p)

Just so holiday,

I had to hypnotize myself there is an urgent need to study

It would be fun

Then only I could stat with the notes,

which I'm yet to :p

Anyway, wrapping up my last study day with this fantastic debate

and a QUIZ >.<

Yay, photo moment, the favorite time of all :D

This photo is just too lovely. <3

Just love the class dynamic and how my kiasu classmates always surprise me :p

My favorite lecturer is leaving us to pursue her PhD

Gonna miss her soft voice and prose-like speech

Life is good, but there is time when you need to move forward

Let go of what's in your hand

Only then you can reach for more

Which is why, I'm going to try something new as well

I'm not sure if the end is what I want

But the process of trying itself is something new for me :)

It had been long since I really put full attention and effort in achieving something 

Hope I could at least do that for this one time, go ALL IN

for this once in a lifetime chance

Yea, just have fun and things will work out by itself lol

Anyway is good for me 

Before I forget,

end of study session means

EXAM IS COMING,

Ya, I just don't feel the heat

Last minute queen always needs a lot of push and peer pressure to buck up

You know, it's just too hard to mix with lecture note,

they are not written in human language that intend for us to understand lol :P

What is the definition of MG:

Myasthenia gravis is an autoimmune neuromuscular disease leading to fluctuating muscle weakness and fatiguability. 

I bet you don't get the picture but still, 

stuff it in your mind

make sure it don't leak out before the exam!

Wish everyone good luck in exam! Hehe

Thanks to all the angels in my life <3

Lift me up when I'm sinking

Scold me when I choose to runaway

Listen to me when I need a pair of ear

Never complained and shining us with the smile

Always being the pillar of strength

standing there even after I gave up

Life is better with you.

I will hold on, 

a little longer,

 because of you.

第一次

感觉到言语如剑

一剑一剑被插下去的感觉

只能按住伤口

不让血液狂喷

盖不住沸腾的情绪

但也拿不起那把刀

是啊 他们说的多堂皇冠冕

我们只有点头称是得分不是吗

不明白

为甚么会有这种滋事分子

仿佛世界太和平

但更不明白 为什么我们的情绪 要收人左右

任由他们二度伤害

已经太久了

如果

我们能忍多那个一下下

世界 会不会比较美好

我就不相信

大家都瞎了

我们用时间 行动证明

I am ostrich.

I have no regularities in life.

I follow no rules except eat and sleep on time.

I dislike obligations.

On time like this,

I just wanna run away and hide from everything

and squeeze in my bed.

I just want a comfy life and at free nights,

I can enjoy something I like.

I don't want to involve in all these social debts

Unresolved problem

Don't want to be the one nudging people

Cluelessly stuck in mingled thread

Yes I am a kid and I just hope someone can take the string

Pull me to wherever

I can help but not lead.

Thanks.

I know this is nothing.

But I don't want anything.

他说 这不辛苦

50几公斤不算重

但看着他沁透汗水的背

甜蜜的负担

总究还是负担 不是吗

只是我们选择

不让生活压扁 那嘴角的弧线

用笑容对抗

生命中无可奈何的一切

会过去的

我们会再站起来

It's my second visit here and I'm falling in love with here.

I doubt, if I came for few more times, I might suddenly decided to alter my path toward adult cases lol.

The people are so welcoming and nice.

The staff professional and considerate.

The  patients around are so warm and welcoming.

We are the one who supposed to approach them and initiate the interview but 

instead they are the one who break the ice because we just looked so awkward lol.

They were having exercise when we came in

So we joined in and danced Oppa Gangnam, Ketchup song and My heart will go on with all these uncle auntie >.<

Awkward moments when they are more active than you lol

But the impact of stroke was obvious

Their movement are limited and some are slow and weak

Anyway, we were no better than them lol

and I'm truly tired and feel all stretch up after 15 minutes.....

Really admire all these old folks that could attend 2 hours of exercise session daily.....

Anyway, we were assigned to accompany the patients for their daily walk around the center

......because apparently, the patients treasure their exercise and qi gong time so much

that we should not take this away from them.

Meet an auntie with amazing recovery process

She had a stroke last year, left her with right side weakness and minimal speech

and now she is talking well and exercising like an aerobic trainer

because she say----我不喜欢做一半半，要做就要做全部

Although she still had difficulties in language and cannot bend nor drive

she is more active than most of us who are in our 20s

and the criteria to walk together with her is............YOU MUST WALK VERY FAST

She even advised my classmate to do more exercise lol

So I'm assigned to accompany a Popo for 

She is actually not a suitable candidate for me because her stroke is just too light

What am I going to present lol......but what to do, I'm the only one who can speak Cantonese

Just kidding, I'm very glad to have the chance to chat with her <3

A popo from HongKong. So strictly Cantonese only. and little English.

The most amazing thing is, she is even 1 year older than my grandpa...1916!

I'm totally awed. I never encounter someone this age with such agility

and her face look so young! and she is able to walk so well. 

So I just left the collect data mission to others and simply having routine conversation with popo,

haha....talk about family, her life, her experience :)

I think is attitude toward life that contribute toward the longevity....her personality is just like my grandma :P

She enjoy surfing Internet for news and entertainment news, reading, she even play harmonica....so very the yeng!

Really got the caring ah ma feel....oh, should give her a hug!!! and take a photo!!

Popo are so nice even invited me to join their Penang trip next Monday

I had to remind her I need to go to class when she wave me goodbye and say "see you on Monday"

There is a rule when we go visit old folks home with Tzu Chi.

Never make promises. Even if you could come but please, don't create the expectation.

You came and you left.

You thought you were doing something good but on the meantime, 

you gave them hope and despair.

They like you and they thought you will come again.

But honestly, you are here just for assignment and the distance is just a little far to travel.

You will soon forgot about them and they will also forgot about visitors that came and go with false promise.

One day, they choose not to believe anymore.

They know these young people just take turns and change faces all the time

But still, they hold the same appreciation toward everyone that came and help.

The case that really wrenched my heart today is a young man.

A very young artist.

He sat at the table alone, drawing.

Amazing right? This photo did not justice to the original drawing

He gave a lot to many of us.

But whispers tell you. He had a stroke. He could not speak. Could no longer listen. Could't even read though I think doubt he could understand Chinese characters.

But he draw amazing things. He hung it all around. Gave it to visitors.

He draw with just pencil and color pencil. and with single hand.

because the other hand is so weak and so arrhythmic.

But he smile with such sincerity and purity. It is infectious.

Not even a glimmer of frustration, anger, or sadness.

Watching him walking away with a limping and twitching leg,

I feel sad and lousy.

Sad for him, because no one can talk to him. 

No one who what went wrong exactly. No one was with him.

He was so eager to communicate. He gave us a signing book and ask for our names.

He signed and corrected our gestures. 

He repeated his sign over and over again because we don't understand.

People assume we speech student know all the sign language but we don't. We did not learn about it.

He was so welcoming and warm and nice and even offer us gifts.

Thank you. Nice to meet you. Bye. Our words to him. After going through all the pages over and over again.

Add oil. You did a great job was my message to him. Hope he gets it.

You could do better and should do better, as a speech student. 

For some, our body were meant to be a tool for us to convey our means. Container of the soul. The true functioning part.

But when the body parts refused to obey to the brain, we are just like this hot little cute duckie....out of air

You realize how little you are. How little control you had over your own body.

But still, these are lucky people.

People with good background and high awareness.

Uncle auntie with fluent business, talk better English and used to be boss, pilot, engineer....

have children that take good care of them

met a doctor that manage patients well

Or simply by chances....came to here.

Because if not by all these factors, they wouldn't have known this center.

Pathetic to say, this is the best and most well-organized center I saw before

Not to say they are not doing good enough, but as a main stroke rehabilitation in the country

With the little attention and support they received

You can imagine how other center are struggling to cope with everything

Later in the day.....

In the middle of lecture, looking through the list of professional care one with motor neuron disease need

e.g. OT, Speech, Staff nurse, medical doctor etc etc etc

In such situation, when your brain lost control and go on autopilot mode,

seriously, you must be rich enough to have all these illness.

To get access to all these services

OT charge you hundreds for an hour, Physio took another few notes.....not to mention the costly meds

If not, till death also you might not know what bring you to your grave.

Getting out of hospital, is not the end of the treatment.

It is just the beginning of the recovery, which may stretch till the end of your life.

Thanks for all these amazing high-spirited people that give us such a valuable lesson in teacher's day.

We might not meet you again but I truly wish you all the best.

Once you lived in a big castle

House you well

A nice warm world with a heater

Your shelter, and home, as in forever

Then one day you grow up

Larger than the castle that once protect you so well

You stood high, even higher than the castle

Only then you see

This castle is no more than a shabby little cylinder

It is shaky

All these while you are curling nicely in your warm bed

there are these loyal guardians 

that protect this little hut with everything

to ensure your comfort and safety 

Now that you do,
and it's your turn to do something
before it was brought away by the wind of change

I'm not going anywhere

Because it's my castle

I passed my 21st, peacefully

No thoughts, no expectation

Just a day for myself

Such a rare chance for me, to sleep till I can wake up naturally.

Thanks to the GE,

I'm forbidden from going home because apparently it is dangerous

So the sweet time for myself

and missed my red wine mee sua >.<

I'm getting old I guess

Watching juniors shouting, pasting posters all around,

I wonder how we could spend months to prepare for a birthday surprise

I remembered all those meetings and hilarious practice session

and wonder where the energy dissipated

Now, 

I appreciate more...

The warm wishes from these people that I know by heart

is the best gift ever :)

*Big love and hug*

It's the time of the year when you feel showered by love,

and I really do

Special thanks to

Shengxue ppl that present me a cake after being HINTED for weeks

Dearest classmates with the pizza surprise

Debate-mate with the supreme Indian delicacies and heavenly sweet cake

Hometown shapo that give me a very very good laugh

Mama who want to celebrate with me two weeks earlier and slipped me a cute card

Duckie that draw such a nice birthday card for me

Suellen that came all the way from UM and leave me this heart-touching lines

Cutie that always send in gift punctually from Australia

the most wonderful gift I ever had. heart.

and everyone that makes my life beautiful :)

I feel blessed.

My wishes for myself

Determination and Discipline

A soft and honest heart

生活是一分快乐，一分痛苦，八分平淡

愿我们都能活出平淡中的精彩

It's the day. 05.05
I'm crying alone in my room
Because of this video. Or maybe is accumulating effect of others.

I don't talk about politics. I don't talk about things I don't really know
and so I try to dilute every conversation that involves it
Because I don't know how to handle the heat and dissatisfaction
I dislike how radical and irrational people become at such times
even those can be aggressive and throw question bombs at me.
Then I'm like, hello~~ I'm not the politic leader, how on earth I know why
and I especially hate when people criticize Sin Chew Jit Poh, sorry, hard core supporter here

From 星洲副刊悦读书房

Because they are my beacon, once

Cause they taught me 情在人间，正义至上

because SinChew Plus still exist <3

Even when my whole newsfeed is full like a online campaign site,
I rarely clicked in any links or video
I think I knew enough simply browsing through the large fonts and titles
Even so, I sensed the heat
and I'm especially touched by all these people, that value this VOTE that high
that sincerely whole-hearted wish for a better future for this nation, for us.
even though they might not be there to enjoy the fruit of the fight
These people, they shout, they fight, they run from tear gas, they try to wake everyone else
because if you give up this right to cast the ballot, you lost your right to complain
because you are the one who say I don't care
and this is when I think I should have done more for my own land than sitting in front of a laptop( no exact plan yet XP)

I don't say things like I love my nation.
I don't join the scold this scold that
because I'm numb. This is how politic is in Malaysia. This is how we are being treated. This is their way for decades. Stupid policy that only exist in Malaysia
But I do care for the people.
So I get outraged sometimes. Many times in fact.
For reasons we all know and I don't want to recite.
It's just a little too much
You know something is wrong with the nation when the election and Election Committee has lost all its credibility
with all those ridicuolossssssssss rumors that I hope they are just bullshit


Suddenly I thought of what my debate senior say
Best way to start a revolution is do nothing. Start with education
When people are well educated and had started a life and their own
then they will start to realize what is lacking
what government should provide but did not
what rights they have but withhold but the leaders
and this is when they will stand up against it
fighting for their rights and future,
it might be only few, but soon there would be more and more people gather around and the momentum will shake even the strongest foundation
because the change comes from the people themselves
I think this is word of wisdom :p


And I think, the time has come for Malaysian
For us to aware, we deserve better and we had been treated as idiot for too long
Listen to the politic figures, I tell you, even high school debaters speak more sense than them,
those uncle had been blinded too long by their own fantasized world
and they need to get back their textbook to learn what is DEMOCRACY

Honestly
I have no confidence in both side, that they could steer the country to the right way
I'm afraid of a lot of things.
I'm afraid, not our voters, but some will create riots when things don't go the way they want.
I'm afraid the tide of change, will boil down to frustration and anger

and I'm positive that many of the election sweet promises will not be cashed out

The stake is just little high

But still, perhaps this is the best times
When we are still the ideal passionate democracy advocates, still believe in justice and election(lolll)
and I don't know what will happen when this heat burned down to dead cold ashes

Today, I'm so proud of fellow Malaysian
I'm praying hard,  for whoever that get the mandate,
Please don't fail us
We need change and we have been waited for too long.

One thing for sure, this nation has changed ever since.
and together we will create our Malaysia, Malaysian Malaysia

Finally I'm here

After one year

Since my OT friends had their practical here

with the many stories I heard

I've wanted to be here to witness myself.

This is an coincidence

I couldn't arrange a suitable date to The Learning Connection

The pioneering special school for children with disabilty---and they have speech and OT attached

and from nowhere this place pop out

Not my ideal place for the assignment,

but still I'm there

Simply because I actually plan to visit both place in the name of one assignment :P

OMG, I saw photo of my fellow friends online

Ok la, they actually have a website for their course---The Helping Hand

with this nice verse---I am the disabled child

So this is IQ 70+, where they house more than 20 residents with intellectual disability----or IQ less than 70

As the name implied, they believe that IQ does not define all

Because all these people, they might not know how to recite ABC, 123

but they treat everyone with the same warm and sincere heart, with the same welcoming gesture

And soon, I discover my part of the story in this place.

It was really a pity,

not to mention all those kids with various form of difficulties 

but the adults, people with similar age with you, people older than you

It is too easy to imagine, if you were them

and suddenly you know why Ignorance is Bliss

Sometimes it is better to know nothing and smile with pure innocence

than struggling hard to break the wall

There is no rehabilitation services provided there but we see a dire need

For a new center, they were well-managed and received substantial public support

People sending in expensive books and toys

but after taking photo and swarming around 

People don't really know what to do, and the staff as well

It is no fun playing with them because they don't know how to play these toys

It was such a waste

because TOYS ARE EXPENSIVE!

and they need HELP, A LOT OF HELP in various aspect

Those who can't move well

Those with psychology issue

Those with neurological impairment...the shaking hand

Most of them have no language or the minimal simple speech

I could say, they need a lot of therapySSSSSS, of different kind.

But what could we say more?

For a small private-funded center, 

it is challenging enough to gather fund to cover all the basic expenses

The staff are having a hard time managing all the residents

What do you expect more when they could take good care of them?

And many thanks to Mr.C who was willing to entertain us though he is busy

He provide many insights for us

On establishment and management of the center

I could see he is really concern of the residents, when he helped them shave and tell their story with affection

and about volunteering

All these one off and come and go volunteer---only if it could be regular

Just like us

It takes more than the IQ

You need time and heart

Pour everything in and ask for nothing

As time goes, the fruit of your effort will ripen,

slowly, slowly, slowly

Hopefully