When I look at his short and chubby finger holding my big phone
His hands looking so cute and innocent but all those brutally honest comments coming from his mouth
Definitely not from a mind of 8 years old
But I would just tolerate with him when he give me those innocent smiles and smart funny lines
You see, I definitely has this thing for smart, funny but heartless people
Even in kids
I am so doomed lol

Last week of December is definitely awesome
Finally had a trip to meet up with my normal weirdos
(which I shall elaborate in another post)
and simply heaaaaaaaaaa all the way
Coming back to Penang and had a good dinner with hommies and even manlui
Sort of relieved I finally untie the knot in my heart
Well, seems like I am set for a better year
Even though I am still procrastinating at work on the very last day

Anyway I had this mixed feeling of relieved and worried when I know I am not the only one who had to WAIT
So how long should I wait for my stupid letter?
I mean, it had been two months with me struggling to answer questions from people
But if some people had waited for 6 months,
I dont know what to say.
Maybe I should brace myself and try and do more at work
Cause I am always assuming I am leaving soon and trying to keep things simple
But every single time after conversation with my fellow rehab mates
I felt really bad like I never try too hard to make it work
Well, if you never throw your heart and soul and work your ass off
Are you really trying hard enough?

But trying hard require extraordinary effort and sacrifices, at least at my level now
which is something I am not willing to put in at the moment
I always say I want to have a life
But what is life
If life is just hea around and let time flow through your fingers
Question for me to ponder at the last night of the year

Read this book yesterday "It all ends with us"
I think this month I hit 10 books with all the free ebook I got online
I really love the feeling of flipping pages and wanting to finish a book before I sleep
---even though I almost overslept this morning because the book made me stay up until 2am
But well, it keeps me moving
And yes, I dont even have a single ounce of self control
Probably I should put it back on my resolution list
Just maybe

Sometimes I think a good conversation with the right people can cure almost everything
And that is what I had over the past few days
Just hea around
Doing nothing but talk, talk and talk over different tables
Talking about events in life, family, gossips and insider jokes and random trash
But it is all pure gem

Pure gem to have people you are willing to travel across the country for
People you can share anything with without worrying about their reaction
I can do this kind of do nothing but talk and hea tour all over again
Anytime, anywhere
Love you girls
Till we meet again xoxo

Let's hope we can all achieve our goals and become who we wanna be <3

剛勇學說 福州話鳄鱼🐊是很好笑的
但是 突然想不起那個字
真的很用力在打捞 捞不到
嘴里在笑 但是心里是很懊恼的
因為 以前一起看國家地理的時候
鳄鱼 總是很常出現
那麽常用的字 都丢了 怎麽辦好

記憶那麽不可靠
那我留得住甚麽
好在 還有爸爸 說那是馬痒鱼
好的 我會記住的
但是 爸爸不在的話 怎麽辦好

--------------------

差點抓狂了
跟媽媽雖然隔几百公里
但是她總是有本事几句話就把我引爆
真的 有些人的思路装置是没有寻找快樂的路线
世上最恐怖的牢狱 就是自己的心
一直不明白她的種種小纠结小疙瘩
但是 朋友說 要試着體諒
看着身邊突然對自己很好的朋友
想到 我真的都把别人對自己的好當成理所
不過 别人一直施恩惠
自己作為接收者 除了不好意思 還有的是一點難堪
因為 施比受 更有福 更有能力 不是嗎
接受親戚的款待的時候無感
但是同龄的朋友總是請吃饭的時候不免感覺窝囊
那麽 媽媽看着自己的兄弟姐妹 也是這種感覺嗎

雖然她的思路我無法理解 也無法改變
但是會學着接受吧
畢竟 像爸说的 是自己的媽
還有
因為讓我生氣對我道歉
雖然是极度悲觀主義 但是還是會安慰我 明年很快的
這樣的事 也是只有媽媽才做得到

----------------------

大家都要努力快樂
努力讓彼此安心快樂
雖然 有點懷疑快樂是被理想化的追求
但是 微笑总是美好的
笑笑吧

又是目睹麵粉和水如何製造奇跡的一天
又是冬至 時間過得太措手不及
不小心 2016就剩下最後十天了

今年第一次嘗試做餡料湯圓
托媽媽的福 帶了花生粉和芝麻粉
材料都是現成的
真的只是A料加入B料就行了
不過也要感謝谷歌提供的貼示

最近多了幾個朋友
家裡的餐桌突然變熱鬧了
多一個人陪我們去看免費電影
（電影多前衛難解也沒有吵著離席）
多一個人幫我準備晚餐
多了幾張吃飯的嘴
多一個可以給我modern family的source
覺得這樣的組合太美好了

。。。可是這樣的美好很快就有改變了
堅實的美麗女人鐵三角就要少了一角
不管是再怎麼少交集
屋友就是一個讓人習慣讓人安心的存在
何況還是一個四五年來都在身邊的人
不過 we had our moments
這樣的回憶 可以維持我們的情誼很久很久
我相信

無論如何
人生得意當盡歡 莫使金樽空對月
是這樣吧
Live in the moment
這一刻 很美好 就夠了

ps晚上久違的曾同學也過來了
我覺得這個人的名字在我們對話中出現的頻率太高了
其實我們不常見 甚至在聊天室我也長期被忽略 哭~~
但是莫名的就是可以和這個人深夜暢聊好幾個小時
有新體會 學到新知識 有新八卦 甚至莫名的爆笑
我想 我們都只是在懷念大學吧
很慶幸 大學畢業後 還是緊緊抓著你們
大家都不要放手 好嗎

It scares me a lot
The fact that I am such a crappy story-teller and persuader
My inability to express my thoughts through words
I need to sieve through every word for slightest things, even a caption, a fb post
This is not me
I used to have a lot to say
Words used to be gushing out like a waterfall and I need to hold them in

But now, I had to fish every word and try to form sentences like a scrabble game
Sometimes the word does come out but it felt forceful
It might not be a big deal for some
After all, we haven't been intensively writing for quite some time
But this is ground-shaking for me
Like my very foundation just got a bit off the ground
When I am groping for words, I am also groping for my lost self
The sentimental and sensitive little soul that kept fading away

Going through a friend's blog and saw a line like this
We studied for years to land the job we have now
Sounded true yet it felt so ridiculous
No I did not go through those books and tests and sleepless nights for a comfy little room in a hospital
In fact whole my life I had been trying to run away from a 9-5 job
No idea why I am stuck in one, though interesting but still a trap
Basically I am free like fluid, once there is a container with shape
I feel trapped, and running away seem like instinctive
But well, like what I always said, if you want a freelance life, get a freelance skill

I have always have a clear mind of what I want to do
What scares me is I am drifting more and more away from them
I keep pushing them to the side to the back
When I look around I don't know what is left
If it is gonna be there for me when I think it is finally the time
Because to be honest,
I am not getting younger, my brain is not getting better
And it sounds like there is no better time to start than now

終於又在心願清單勾了兩個鉤鉤
很久沒有這樣一個人的星期日
很久沒有一個人走著長長的路
馬來西亞的路 還是沒有很行人friendly
但是好在天氣還不錯
在茂茂樹蔭下走還蠻舒服的

去了兩個圖書館
喬治市圖書館和新的數碼圖書館
突然有點想念吉隆坡的國家圖書館
雖然說藏書不多
但是檳城的更少
有點佩服室友怎麼在圖書館里找到那麼多好康

不過 難得有機會也爬得起
一個人散步 也是不錯的
看著行人道上 滿地的黃花 偶爾的泥濘
看看藍藍的天空
就是美好的一天

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上週看了兩部免費電影
第一次約同事和新屋友同行
一開始還忐忑 不知道他們OK嗎
畢竟這種非主流的東西
好像只有我和雪人去得很勤快
但是原來大家都愛免費好康啦
其實我是很愛 異國電影
看慣好萊塢大片
看著字幕 看著平鋪直敘的故事
有種淡淡的生活氣息
我喜歡這樣 觀察他人生活的感覺
自從那天的德文電影開始
就真的愛上了
雖然有些步調十分緩慢
但是我喜歡那種異國風情
無法預測的劇情
還有與陌生人在暗室一起在同一時刻笑起來的感覺

星期二 電影之夜再續

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真的越來越喜歡在這裡的生活
如果我的心定一點
可以在這裡跟這群可愛的人們一起生活個十年嗎
可能五年吧
一起聽講座 看電影
偶爾可以到同事家吃家常菜
三幾個月一起出遊
感覺美好生活 就是這樣了
只是 生了一顆不安定的心
和渴望在青色走道散步的心

悠閒生活 一年就夠了
今天看了文秀先生傳記
突然覺得 自己真的是太混了
這一年來 真的沒什麼努力
是應該被呼巴掌的
十二月了 是很興奮期待 因為很多假期
但是 是該好自為之了