我被自己的冷漠 嚇到了
那個漠不在乎 低著頭塗鴉的傢伙
真的 是我嗎
突然想念那個 眼角含淚 想要把自己撕掉的我
至少 有靈魂 有心跳 有熱血

熱情冷卻的速度 未免太快
現在 一字一句 影響不了我
是保護機制太強嗎
還是習慣了 麻木了
還是 真的 不在乎

生日收到最有用的祝福：
找回熱忱 別再過慮多慮了
有些人 天生是歡樂製造機
有的人 是天生的演員 喜怒哀樂就像捏麵團
資質不佳 還是別想裝有個性了

想過
是不是我反復使用負面思考 鞏固負面框框
還是真的 只是不夠努力 懶蟲作怪
真的 不喜歡 不自在 不舒服？
但是 我沒有時間思考
堅持用自己的節奏 追著他們的腳步 好累
堅持過自己想過的生活
結果把自己糟蹋成這樣
是幹啥啊

迷失方向的我
不敢太用力
怕把自己往反方向 推得更遠
不過 是時候 把該挑的擔子 扛上

停止為自己找藉口
你要為他們的人生負責
至少為自己 不要讓自己 有懊悔的機會
謝謝你

Time to develop the gracefulness

To let go of things that are not meant for me

Was facing a lot of dilemmas again

Not really dilemma,

the answer is actually right there from the start

YOU CANT GO

But I wanted to go so badly

that it aches when I sees it and I still go to training even if I can't fly to Sabah

Just came back from a debate training, at 2am

Haven't been debating for so long,

But that moment, 

when I deliver my 7 minute speech,

I felt rejuvenated with energy flowing in

It wasn't a good speech(too rusty >.<)

But it reminded me how much I love debate

and why

I love this other side of me

The one with an opinion to voice

and defend my points so vehemently

like the journalist me inside awaken

Suddenly so excited and just wanted to talk more XD

No more complaints, no regrets,

Everything you had is good enough

and you had more than what you can handle.

Stop thinking beyond your extent thanks.

Let go let go let go,

you had your time,

and it is time to focus on settling everything on your plate

NOW

I don't know if this is my emotional tide or extreme hunger
Sometimes I cant stop the unreasonable bastard me from coming out
I will hate you, because of one sentence
I can understand you, but still I hate you
Even if you are my savior all the time

I know I can't ask too much for people
and I need to give in my part before I ask from people
but this moment
your face are freaking annoying that I can't even talk to you

I know this is a very bad habit of me
Get infuriated by myself and never let others know why
Simply let the frozen mountain stand in between us
Even after the anger was long gone
But I just can't say it out in your face
Glad that I still have my last bit of rationality
The reality is you cant really spit fire on every one that annoys you isn't it

Ok, spit all the negative emotion out and enjoy the day <3

其實生日 最想要的 是那碗麵線
所以 又這樣 衝動的
來回8小時 回去了24小時
結果當然不只吃了麵線哈哈~~

就算只是回家當豬吃飯睡覺 還是很值得
因為 在家裡那片地板睡著
是真的 感覺把一切負能量還給大地了
因為有很可愛的家人
一邊狂給我塞食物 一邊說我肥
你還沒到家 就說好會準備一桌菜給你
會擔心你沒有吃到蛋糕 小難過
你還沒出門 又期盼的問 什麼時候回來

最愛生日
因為 一年只有這麼一天
感覺有很多人愛
很久很久不見的人
突然告訴你 我記得 今天是你生日
問句 你好嗎 輕輕地 話當年
三年 四年 七年 十五年的朋友
fb 訊息 電話 video 小小驚喜
把車駕到你家門口
圍著你尷尬的唱生日歌
老遠買一個大到吃不完的蛋糕
大家都忙 功課死伯多 考試就在隔天
這一點點時間 背後的心意 我很珍惜

當然對有些人還是有小小的期待
但是 不強求
朋友 不是只做生日這天的
沒有人有義務 為你做什麼

感恩難過到想無理取鬧的宣洩時有可以轟炸的chatbox
感恩 有一條一直開放的熱線 永遠給我最貼心最睿智的忠告
這樣 就夠了

題外話~~~~小感動的是
你用誠懇眼神 告訴我
我很好 你把我當好朋友
認識你這麼久 最sweet講話最好聽就是這次
lol 不枉我中學五年掏心掏肺的對你好 哈哈

感恩所有身邊的人
記得與否 有沒有祝福 有沒有禮物 不重要
謝謝你們 讓我的生活這麼美好

今年的生日 沒有願望
因為 二十二 給自己的禮物是
一切都要用努力換取 的覺悟
只要你想 只要你付出200分
沒有不可能
Stop Wishing. Start Doing.
你做好準備 收下了嗎






還是要祝：世界和平、家人朋友平安健康快樂哈哈
這些太大的願望我需要跟宇宙分擔一下

Created another record of my life
Mix up the time for exam and WAS NOT PREPARED for it
At all
Was angry all the time when I am answering
I was like wtf wtf wtf wtf
Sometimes me myself was amazed by my ability to hit the bottom
Like, can you stop surprising yourself?

He said my bad luck started when I couldn't go for Flinders
Well, I guess that is the beginning of it
I have been having a lovely life ever since(yea I forgot all the misery along the way)
But since this week, seems like the black wave hits again

It started with a black Monday
No DID Wrong day wrong timing like ultimate face palm day
Luckily I have my <3 <3 <3 uncle here on Tuesday to soothe my mood
Ordinary Wednesday with ordinary clinic day
and a rare Thursday holiday.................and the shop I wanted to try out was closed WALAO
Friday.....had this terrible test and the resource room was closed that I couldn't prepare for my MOnday clinic
Good thing is we revise our SS visit by having a different pizza at the same place and different yogurt ice cream flavour :D
I just love random outing and Publika really has a lot of awesome set lunch deal lol
*Hinting* maybe we should go for more lunch dates lol
Basically this sums up my week, yea eventful and I do enjoy every bits of it

So now it's May
May is my month but also
Assignment Frenzy month cause final is next month
Seriously I cant stand people ranting about not enough time to study when exam is 2 months away
Like seriously......I am keeping my mouth(and probably warning system in my brain) shut even when exam is less than a month.

But GOOD THING IS I AM COMING HOME!
Best place in earth cause there is only love and warmth
and mum already says she will prepare lots of nice food for me lol
Let an awesome weekend lead me to a better week <3
Hope so.

Just so excited I can be at home
to celebrate me turning 22nd
My grandpa will be so surpised.
I guess he always thought I am 18 lol