So I had my first interview today
Like finally.
But damn I sort of know why I am unemployed till now
Well I am not exactly the assertive type
Which is exactly why I am always in a disadvantage in interview, especially group interview
I need someone who can see right through me and see my potential
Well, that is not gonna happen unless I am lucky till shooting star shoot right into my house

But yeah it had been a wonderful interview experience
I am really glad to have the opportunity
To listen about what different occupation do and some current issues
I do really hope I can get the job
It sorts of fit my principle and lucrative too
But imagining skipping uni....sounds a bit bad for me even though I know it is permissible

Anyway my money anxiety loosen a bit when I got the first payment from uni
But then I got wired up again about whether this is going to last me long enough
Anyway good to see money coming in than flowing out
Haih money. Forever an issue
Checked out the tickets during Xmas
Its gonna take at least 500aud whyyyy
Another money issueeeee

Well anyway I am getting really tired of sending resume and cover letters
But not tired enough to walk in and beg people hire me yet
So I need luck. A lot of luck
Let's hope I get another call soon.

p.s. Walked and hang out in a park after my interview
So I "ponteng" for the day
I guess my standard of park peaked after coming back from Portland
Now, in Aussie park, I will be like can you don't call a field with some tree and benches park?
They are way different thing
But yeah, I really like how Aussie are so chill....anyday anytime there are people sitting lying and reading in the park
That is good
God knows how much conscious effort I need to get off my phone (Sorry too anxious)
To just look at the ripples on the river and do nothing
Yes it felt totally therapeutic but I am still anxiously waiting for calls

Then I get hooked on a netflix documentary Chef's Table
Probably most attractive show I've seen this year
Because of this post
http://www.cocomy.net/post/420668
Well I had been telling others I wanted to be a nun and I will be but no one takes me seriously
But this is my dream lol
Out of the world, in a small hut, planting and cooking fresh from the farm
Oh watching through the show make me feel more and more attracted to a farm and just live in a small village farm
But god knows why I am stretching myself further from my ideal life

Academic wise
Well as usual things are still on track I think
Academically my procrastination get me hide in my cave on a reading and movie mode
But as usual these Aussie lecturers like to give you all the too positive sounding encouragement
and  am just a little bit frustrated with the speed things are going
Way to slow than what I would like but yeah probably I should speed it up
Let;s see what we can do this week
But.....next Monday is another holiday
Omg too many I don't know how to handle lol

Just get things rolling I think it will all fall in place one day
Maybe I just need more time. Or work harder. Or an opportunity
Hoping for the best

請不要問我為甚麽
但是應該在努力的這一天
我開始亂來了
聽了coursera的理財課
看了梁文道的導讀
去图書館借了📖

昨天回来的時候很低落
我想 坐在桌前一天真的不適合我
一到下午两三點我的脑细胞就關閉了
覺得思考不到 很煩燥
提早回家 离開時再度撞上垃圾桶
(我靠這個垃圾桶跟我有仇)
想去公园 结果睡醒天黑了
煮出来的南瓜燒🐔跟理想有很大差别
想烤南瓜籽结果烤焦了
對不起那一小時的电費

自從星期三跟老師聊天後
就有點低落
覺得自己的程度太差了
好像連基础都没有好想自我放弃
老師很善良 只有婉转 有褒無貶
小小的成就 就给你很多贊
我想說 老師不要把我當幼稚園學生好嗎
不過老師一問
你到底是来幹嘛的 最终目標是什麽
我就只能丢出一個尴尬的笑容
這個問題 我想了兩年
答案有了很久
只是我不知道這個世界可以配合我嗎

Anyway 一如往常
我低落的時候
就喜歡寫字 看文言文
所以来澳洲我只带了 两本
很久很久都不會翻開 但是象征意義很大的書
本来应该做功课的夜晚
突然寫起字來
寫着寫着 感覺就比较沉着了
但是 有點小難過 感覺和記忆力都比以前差了
我覺得我的所有感官 都被手機上瘾症磨毁了
要快點戒掉

说真的
我的文青细胞突然開始蓬勃生長
我都忘了自己是來幹嘛的
這樣 一下沾一點
其實 有學到東西嗎
我也不知道
但是 我喜歡這樣的問題
下個星期的我
會想巴現在的自己
但是 這樣才是我 不是嗎

真的想要很努力保持住
那個离我越来越遠的理想

When you are looking at someone through the screen

And listening to delayed auditory signal

Somehow everything is different

Probably because it is dinner time

and apparently my friends are hungry

But it just felt so different

The dinner conversation that I missed

People I could lie on their bed and talk hours to

Felt different when they are behind the screen

I guess I am too lonely

and talked a bit too much about myself

When there is nothing to talk about

Actually I just wanted to hear more

To get updates and continue be part of your life

Even if I am far, far away

Like in different time zone

I miss my friends

Can't believe I am on Week 2
Constantly question why am I here and wtf am I doing
The more I know about what I had to do
The more I realize how ignorant I am
Coming here knowing nothing

Well, actually this is week 3
My 3rd Saturday
Everything else is perfect
(This sentence sounds too familiar isn't it)
Then it comes the "but"

Academically it is too early to say anything
But I am completely sure I will struggle hard
Like want to squeeze my brain juice out kind of hard
Everyone else is so experienced and established with published papers and stuff
I am this clueless bird that flies into the wrong window
I stammered when people ask me why do I want to do PhD
Because this is something I always wanted to do somewhere down the road?
When people ask me what is my project about
I get more awkward...why do I come all the way here?

But fortunately---as always
People here are really friendly.
All the other PhD students in my school are really approachable
Most of them are more matured than me and in another stage of life
I don't know why I am out of the circle everywhere lol
I miss iSports
My cultural gap and awkward communication still exists
Anyway they are really welcoming
and I had the first BBQ in a park, so Aussie style
(got lost and walked for 1 full hour......i got water bubbles down on my feet dy)
Luckily Jiahui is there or else I would be dead lost
And something I realized is I am still pretty much in the Asian group
Can't really get used to the Western over-expressionism I guess
Anyway I will try to slowly fit in
I hope I can, at least there is Spore and Korean jiejie haha

Financially I have not been particularly frugal
Spending lots of money on grocery shopping
Kitchen experiment is fun and life transforming
I made puff! and frozen pastry skin is miracle like literally everyone can be puff expert
And many other new things
Got a housemate that shares a similar interest in kitchen like me
But more into health junkie I guess
Makes me all sorts of smoothies and bloody red beetroot soup!
Well sometimes she gets more creative than me in the kitchen lol
QD Dark Kitchen meets challenger

Well, I gained lots of happiness and satisfaction from the kitchen
and maybe calories (even though I don't always feel like eating my own cooking)
but sometimes I feel like happiness is just carrot.
Carrot in the carrot and the stick theory
It gets you moving cause you are this gluttony donkey
But it is as impermanent as everything else in life
I guess this is just the beginning. Maybe I will get bored of it very soon.

Anyway the money thing is a big concern
V jiejie is telling me 5k is gonna fly away in like 2 months
Maybe I can stretch to 3-4 but that's all about it
Not helping in reducing my anxiety
But maybe I don't need help lol
I need more anxiety
I am really thankful for their suggestions though
Like they are more concerned than me and I am too chill
Anyway it was interesting to have conversations with people at the end stage of their PhD
Job seeking, PR seeking
Another stage of identity lost and omo go back to workface
Somehow it feels familiar
Like this will just be a 4 years detour and I will face the same problem all over again
No wonder my mum keep telling me we will figure out things after you graduate

I think the main reason for my guilt and anxiety is my parents
I should be having a decent job and a decent pay and bring them for tours once in a year
But in that one year that I worked, we did nothing like that
Which makes me feel pretty bad
Then it is going to be 4 years apart and when I got back (which I am not even sure if I will)
They are going to be so so old
I feel really bad about all this
But maybe I should stop feeling bad and take action
Like what my friends say
even 5usd translation job
That is money isnt it?

Do more when I have the time
Please do
Save yourself

起的比预计中迟
早餐吃着sunlight買来的面包
便当偷了屋友的姜葱酱用昨天的剩饭炒了姜葱炒饭
準备要出門才發現巴士票单程3.2aud
是抢劫嗎
单程耶 每天都要去的
可以不要这样对我嗎
concession application却很有效率的回我不行
我想我的student ID還没搞定吧
幹 需要有效率的却一直拖
以为這個需要兩個星期我提早申请的 不到一天就回复
天啊
我的打工申请這麽快有回复就好

然后想想 不也在这里第一个星期而已
是不是给自己太大压力了
可是 巴士一天就要七块了 有压力是应该的吧
不管了 今天去当半天游客再说

今天算是勾了大學清單裡的幾個項目

在草地上吃便當了

去了圖書館美術館

但是大學的美術館在更新展覽館所以只開放一半

所以也沒什麼心情逛

突然醒悟草地什麼的 是拿來顯擺的啦

總不能一直坐

不過坐在湖邊 看著跳著 游著 飛著的鳥

就是看著湖水波光靈動 也感覺歲月靜好

看心境吧

今天還莫名的一直下雨

又有點冷 真想說布里斯班的秋天我錯怪你了

去了一個小工作坊 真的很小 只有三個怪咖亞裔

然後旁聽了一場辯論

驚訝的發現今天有hidden figure免費放映會

但是今天佳人有約啊

然後 很難過的發現期待已久的瑜伽班取消了

因為只有我一個報名

好像真的要感歎 就算到了萬人大學

我有興趣的東西 還是很小眾

Anyway 大脑的工作坊還是學到新東西

瑜伽下次還會有的

而且發現south bank也有免費workout

感覺開心了 雖然。。。我好像不是運動咖

今天的重點是終於去到southbank和市區

遊客區 河邊 公共泳池 古跡區

所以感覺很良好了現在

還有看了大學給的手冊 

我覺得接下來三年

都可以有很多東西慢慢探索

我就滿足了

感覺有點小小愛上了

可能因為有本地人指路吧

有農產市場 藝術市場 多姿多彩的免費活動

個性書店 唐人街 多到不行的公園

這樣 我就滿意了

雖然人是有點多 不過 唉 

我已經放棄躲避人潮了

畢竟 靠我也撐不起這些市場不是嗎

也很感恩朋友的朋友

讓我第一次發現這麽多新奇

還有加长了我的to go list

我想 在這里生活三年 我做好准备了

寫到第三天就有點懒惰了
因為日子终於開始变充实了
但是朋友們说得對
去到大學 我就會開心了
真的 很很很雀跃 不過真的好像進大觀院呵呵

首先 很有成就
大清早成功起来弄飲料弄早餐
還不小心發現有童鞋躲在欧洲思考人生
突然好羡慕赚新币的朋友😂😂

然後走了四十分钟的路
终于到我未来三年的家啦
好在我解读谷歌地图训练有素
完全没有迷路
还很聪明的找到地图
在校园也探索无碍
自我感覺很良好

但是真的有被学校震撼到
太大 太多人 好像一個城市了
不過里面有一百栋建筑物就小不到哪里吧
重点是 好多人 车水马龙 人来人往的
不是甚麽 只是覺得這麽多學生 就業前景很堪忧
Ps. 来到這里之後我平均每天發出五分简历
希望他們只是反应慢 而不是没有人叟我
其實 世界很完美 只要找到工作 我就OK了
不過還有 雖然那麽多人
不過大家人来人往 是要怎麽交朋友啦

学校太大一日游来不及参观
頭髮太丑不想拍照
但是至少SV超nice
带我逛逛還请我喝巧克力
负责姐姐也算OK
不過电脑不是新的
只是學生卡 银行卡 都要等几天 天啊
明天 也许我去市区游客一日游好了

机缘巧合之下跟A姐姐一起吃午餐
跟着长袖善舞的姐姐也好
认识了很多未来同窗 很国际化的团队
从韩国越南新加坡伊朗澳洲的都有
还蛮令人期待的
而且我的座位还跟A姐姐背对背
但是看到未来的区域只是一个电脑桌
我晕
不是为了逃避朝九晚五才出国的吗
怎么突然把自己困在朝八晚五的desk Job
Omg背叛我的人生原则
希望研究生生活比我有限的想象更有趣
不然 快点找幅墙给我

回到家 又发现恐怖的事
原来屋友还没交上审核表
她说要去投诉但是表格还是要交的啊
我晕
不過话说回来 经纪不肯定地址 也太扯了吧
别提我的信是要迷路去哪里
写对地址 邮差都很难找到了
现在就算了 突然觉得银行哥哥让银行把卡寄到分行而不是我家 太聪明了

有几点小得意
终于煮到像样的一餐了
雖然食材很有限
然後成功杀价把洗衣机杀到一百块
太感动了
不过最后因为屋友银行问题 今天拿不到 好难过
希望明天会搞定

Ps. 媽媽因為我嘴唇脱皮開始drama我好想哭 居然問我裂的话会爛會细菌感染會发炎嗎 媽媽你要長常識 不然我每次看到你的"我好担心"我會很晕

明天有人约我吃晚餐好開心 是不是时候来個游客天啊

前三天的開銷很大我不知怎麽算 哭哭
連Sim卡也莫名其妙的買了三張
最後一張還Sibeh貴继续哭哭
PS 我們都找不到邮箱是要怎麽收到Sim包裹啊天

我覺得在這里我會每天都很早起的
🌞一大清早就跑出来了
六點天已經亮完了
七點就晒得我得带鴨舌帽出門
前景堪忧啊 夏天怎麽活
據說阿德莱德比较冷
啊我都住在sunshine state陽光之县是想怎樣啊

過了没有网络的十二個小時
睡得超足卻讓媽媽紧張了一下
雖然花了一百块
但總算跟世界連上了
花了一個白天在等宜家的工人
结果他們居然不准時啊我疯
结果只能困在家里等着下落不明的貨車好抑郁
好在屋友送了食物救济
我就好好在家嘗試装家具吧

好在早上出去散步了
外面的便利店价钱一點都不可親
而且都是山路我的媽啊
要怎麽騎脚车
看起来也没有什麽可以打工的地方
感覺好绝望
不过好在前方還有图书馆和剧场等着我去探索
還有一個🎡摩天轮但是那個从遠处看就好
希望明天到學校附近和市區探索
會有更令人愉悦的發現吧

结果 布里斯本真的很不喜欢我
居然水灾到宜家都要关门避难
所以我的床 好像遥遥无期啊
天啊 然後聽說附近也在淹水 是神馬状况 狂哭
所以在等到三點之後打电话给宜家
才有人告知我們這個消息 太太過分
浪费我一個美好的星期天早上

午餐還是吃汉堡
我想说 Roopa请不要再买汉堡了
很肥 很肥
而且我来这里两天
吃了三個汉堡 像话嗎

好在下午還把柜子装起来了
總算有點成就感
雖然不小心弄断了小木钉
總算目测是個體面的柜子
還算给我一點脸

晚上煮了一碗灾难性的麵
到現在還吃不下
因為没有盐
加了胡椒 Sambal 蜜糖酱油(感覺印度屋友對酱油的概念不是很清楚)
PS. 家里的印度香料多到不行 我想以后可以認真學學印度料理了
還是拯救不到
麵太烂 萝卜太硬 真的很難吃
還是因為我的肚子還是充满汉堡和鸡翅😂😂😂

真的只能期待明天會更好
在這里我会早睡早起的
现在九点半我已经覺得世界都暗了
是時後說晚安了

来布里斯本报到第一天
我覺得我不喜歡這個地方
這個地方也不喜歡我

昨天的感冒很嚴重
一個人昏昏沉沉在機場的時候真的有點好奇自己怎麽那麽想不開
好在還有涵涵來陪我一下
给我一如往常的打激式鼓勵
然後我就想到 身處異地很久没有長聊都覺得生疏了
出國幾年之後 就算多老的朋友 也會有隔膜吧
真的要謝謝涵涵送的🎁啦😘😘😘
(雖然其實我現在有點想不起我的钥匙在哪里)
謝謝一堆讓我覺得暖暖的朋友 📞相送 真人護送
真的很需要這些小鼓励

好在我花钱買了一整排的座位
可以躺下來 虽然睡睡醒醒總算有養到神
亚航最后一餐的椰浆飯 真的吃到很想吐吞不下
可惜了
好在微微超重的行李過關了
過境雖然等超久但没有開行李检查
我居然成功偷渡sunlight的面包

一到機場 巴士火車都等超久還死伯貴
然後還水灾影响火車運作讓我轉(站)巴士一小时
整整三小時 才到市區
水位漲到河水好混浊 跟我想的蓝蓝河畔太不一樣我接受不到
🌞太晒太热 媽呀 這是秋天 夏天是该怎麽過

這次最幸运的真的是有一個無敵好屋友
還刚好有司机
帮我們包辦了那麽多事情還一直跟我道歉
還一直给我嘘寒问暖怕我肚子饿
家里没有网络 和 家具 也不是她的错啦
我一起来弄 感觉比较好一點
只是買家具的费用好大笔我覺得前景堪忧
而且看看周围 好像找工作的機會不多
我好怕 好怕

不過還是认真想好
星期一見老師的時候 該怎麽辦好了
好像除了我自己
没有人清楚我是来幹嘛的然後被F姐姐這樣搞乱
我自己也被搞糊涂了
是時候找到一個方向 努力前進了
時間一直都很紧凑不是嗎